It seems like it was just yesterday, but then it also feels
like it has been such a long time coming. I remember one of the first things the
doctor said, “if he makes it, it will be hard. It will be difficult. It will be
scary. And it will be a very ,very long road until things are better. And then,
they may never be truly better.” Boy, has it been a long road. He wasn’t lying.
A long road, but a long road worthwhile. A road that I would go back down a
million times over to have our sweet boy with us.
I remember that Saturday so clearly. Just a normal Saturday,
that turned into a nightmare with one phone call.
I’ve had a lot of time to reflect today. On all of it. It
has without a doubt been the most difficult year of my families’ lives. I have
been in the darkest of places, and felt the lowest of lows. But I have seen a
light that eliminates the darkness, and I have felt a happiness that exceeds all
heights.
He went to the Sadie Hawkins dance this year, and I know it
was bittersweet for him, it was for all of us. He somehow got really lucky and
the cutest girl in the world asked him to it. Kam and Britton have been friends
ever since they were little, really close friends. I remember when Britt had
the biggest crush on her through middle school (and I doubt it ever stopped) ,
he had a bunch of notes from her all over the house and she was one of the only
girls he would ever actually talk to me about. So I knew she was special. She
has been there for Britt through out the past year, and has helped him through
a lot of hard days and nights, I know that because I see how his face lights up
when they are texting or talking on the phone.
It’s people like Kam who truly make my heart smile. It might be so
simple for her to care and love him the way she does, but it is such a big deal
to us and she will never know how thankful we are for her and her friendship
with Britt.
I will never truly understand why this had to happen to my
brother, until the day we can meet face to face with our God and loving Savior,
then will it all be clear. But I do know that it happened with great purpose
and for good reason. The blessings we have seen come from this help make it all
a little bit more clear. I know my brother has touched so many lives with his
strength, courage, and heart. And all the while lying in the hospital, not
saying a word, or moving a muscle.
Three months he lied in a coma. So weak, so fragile, so
lifeless. So hurt. Machines breathing for him. Tubes running in and out of his
body. Wires and IV’s wherever covering
what seemed like every inch. His brain swelling nearly to the point of
hemorrhaging. Watching the numbers on the machines beep and sound
uncontrollably. A waiting game. For 3 months. Not knowing if he would ever wake
up. Not knowing if I’d ever get my
brother back. Watching him cling to what little life he had in him, watching as
he fought with what little strength he had left. I know the savior was embracing
him, holding him tight in his loving arms, during those very hard 3 months. I
know that he was protecting him and loving him. So many miracles. So many
blessings. So much love, and an incredible amount of faith. Selfless service
form millions. And a whole lot of belief in our boy Britt. I remember the day
he wiggled his toes for the first time, the time he responded to a command for the first time, the first time he ever
sat up with a room full of nurses holding every part of him. I remember the day
he stopped breathing. The day they took him down for an MRI with the
possibility of him not coming back. The
day his brain had reached the maximum cranial pressure before he’d go
braindead. I remember when they tried to stand him up for the first time, and when
he contracted a deadly virus that attacked his brain and heart. The day he was
able to begin breathing on his own. I remember the day they were able to put
his skull back on. The day opened and closed his hand, and the day he raised
his right leg. I remember the day he opened his left eye about ¼ of the way.I
remember the first time he held his head up on his own. And when he learned to
put his thumb up for “yes” and kick his leg for “no”. I remember the day he sat
up all by himself. And when he finally
got to take a real bath. The day he took his first bite of real food. The day
he raised his arm all by himself, and shook his head. The day we got to put
real clothes on him. When we finally got to give him a decent haricut. The day
he got the tubes taken out of his thoat. The day he tried to make his first
noise. His first laugh. The day he got to have a sip of mountain dew. The day
he smiled when we played his favorite song for him. The first time we got to
take him outside. The first time he tried to crawl. The day he got
kidneystones. The day he learned to drive his wheelchair by himself. And when
he learned to grip a ball, and pedal on a bike. The day he learned to balance
while standing. When he learned to crawl down stairs. And roll over all by himself.
The day he started learning
to walk again. The day he threw a ball, and the
day he caught one. The first time he got to go home. The day he fed himself,
and the day he dressed himself. I remember the day he took his first steps by
himself. The day we got to bring him
home, after 6 long months. And I remember all the days since then.
Never ever will I forget the failures and the moments of
defeat, or the little victories, and the huge milestones. They will be with me
forever. They remind me of how far he has come. From where he started at nearly
the very bottom, to where he is now. Little tender mercies, and blessings that
add up to be one miraculous story. I’ve
never seen someone with so much determination, or strength. I know he doesn’t
do it on his own, because no one could. I know the lord is with him every small
step of the way. And I know he will continue to be.
Today, one year later. My brother is a walking miracle. Yep
, I SAID WALKING. He walks all by himself. He goes to school 2 periods a day.
He goes driving on the weekends with my dad, hunting, hangs out with his
buddies, goes on dates. He still goes to therapy a couple times a week. He eats
on his own, and his speech has come so far! He can read and write and is better
at math than my mom;) He hates it when we help him with anything, because he
knows he can do it by himself. Always so determined, or hard headed…you choose
haha. He still has his moments, and dark times. Some days he really struggles,
and some nights he feels so defeated. He wants to quit, and give up. But he
picks himself back up. Always. He cracks jokes, and has more charisma than he
ever did before hahah. Sometimes he doesn’t have a filter but that’s okay, we
will take it. He loves to look good,
clothes, shoes, hair, so nothing has changed there! He still has a lot of
problems with his vision, and probably always will, the feeling in his face
hasn’t come back, and the nerves that were damaged aren’t likely to heal. But
those are things that are so small compared to what “should” be, and what could
be. He wants more than anything to be normal again, and he is getting there, a
little bit at a time.
Today, one year later. I watched my brother kneel, and
listened to him bless the sacrament. Never have I heard him speak so clearly,
or powerfully. It was perfect. He didn’t skip or miss a word. Of course I was
all tears. I remember sitting in the back of the church with my mom this same
time last year just bawling, watching the young men bless and pass the
sacrament, praying that someday my sweet brother would be able to do that
again. What a miracle. And then I watched him bare his testimony. Walk up the
to the pulpit by himself, and talk about gratitude. Elder Holland was in our sacrament and it was
such a tender mercy. His words got our family through a lot of hard days. One
quote in particular from him, I read every day to Britt, probably 10 times a
day since the day it all happened. It was kind of our motto, and when it all
seemed impossible, or we wanted to give up, we found comfort in his words:
“Don’t you give up. Don’t you quit. You
keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe
in good things to come.” –Jeffrey R. Holland
I’m so incredibly proud of him. For who he is. For who has
become. His example, his strength and his faith are something to behold. Never
in my life could I amount to half of what he is. How lucky am I to call him by
brother. My hero, forever and ever.
God has given my family so much. More than we could ever ask
for or deserve. I don’t know why, but I will forever by so grateful. So
thankful for a loving heavenly father, who is so merciful and understanding.
Who wants nothing but the best for us. Who knows us better than we know
ourselves, and who wants for us to succeed and be happy more than anything. I’m
thankful that he hears us, that he listens, and that he answers. His plan is
perfect, whether we understand it or not. He knows what we are capable of and
who we have the potential to become if we follow him. He knows what we can
endure and what we can overcome. He knows our strengths and our weaknesses. And
he is here for us, always. I’m thankful for a perfect Savior. For someone who
knows my deepest heartaches and my purest joys. For someone who suffered for
me, who loves me so much that he gave his life. He strengthens me when I am weak,
picks me up when I fall, and he stands beside me when I’m strong. He has felt
my lowest of lows and highest of highs, so I would have someone to turn to.
The same applies to my brother, my mom, my dad, my little
brother, and to you.
Today could’ve been a hard day, and a sad day. But it
wasn’t, it was everything but that. Today was a day of celebration, and for
every reason. Today I’ve got my brother. And he still has a long road ahead of
him, but at least we have a road to continue down. I know he will continue to
beat the odds, and that through the continued power of prayer and unshakable
faith we all have in him, that he is no where near as good as he’ll get. All I know is that a year ago today, I didn’t
imagine that we would be here. And he is so much
more. How incredibly blessed we are.
I could never thank you enough for all you have done for my
brother and family this past year.. Thank you for being there for us, and
serving us. Thank you for loving him.
Thank you for believing in him.
XOXO, Autumn
Here is a video of clips from the year. Eventually I'll put together a nice little documentary on it all:)
Also here is a video the Spectrum did today on him! (he's the cutest thing)
