A Perfect Love

There is just something so wonderful about sundays. I feel like it is my day to reflect and really think about things that have happened and gone on throughout the week, the feelings i've felt, the words i've heard, lessons i've learned...all of it.

A couple of nights ago, I was having a conversation with my friend Hannah Harrah. I have always admired Hannah for being not only such a good friend, but a genuinely good person. She is always so uplifting. We were driving, and started talking about how we have come to more fully understand God's love, lately. Through experiences and relationships we have had in the past and even now, we have all loved someone along the way. Whether it is love for a family member, love for a stranger, love for a spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend, we've all felt it. We all know it. I have always loved my little brother. I love all of them, more than anything in the world. You can't live with them, and you can't live without them. Of course, at times I've wanted to give them away. They are obnoxious, annoying, mean, stinky, out of control, and everything else little boys are. But they are so amazing. Loving, sweet, obedient, handsome, patient, caring, perfect. And they are mine. I've always known how special Britton was, he has never been a typical teenage boy. He is just the sweetest boy, so hard working and innocent. There is a song by brad paisley, called "Then". It is in the context of him singing about his wife that he loves, but I like to apply it to our situation, and my brother.

"Now you're my whole life
Now you're my whole world
I just can't believe
The way I feel about you Britt
Like a river meets the sea
Stronger than its ever been
We've come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then"

I thought I loved him then. But From the moment I heard about what had happened, I quickly learned that I love my little brother more than I thought. And every day since, I have come to love him more and more with each passing day. I didn't know it was possible to love so deeply. Gosh, he is just the greatest. All 3 of my brothers are. Sometimes I just start crying out of the blue because I love him so so much. And I want nothing more in the world, than for him to be better. For us to have our brother back.  

People always say that you don't know what you got till it's gone. Well thank heavens this isn't necessarily our case, but it has come close to it. I'm so grateful that we still have him, that he is still here. Breathing, moving, getting better with each day. Because I don't know what I would ever do without him. I can't even fathom. When you love and care about somebody, it's the hardest thing in the world to see them struggle, stumble, fall. Whatever it may be. You only want to see them well and happy, see them succeed. 

When I think about this, and how I am feeling about my brother and his circumstances. How much it breaks my heart to see him this way, to have to watch him go through all of it. Wondering and wishing why it couldn't be me laying there instead of him. Wishing he could just wake up, snap out of it, and get back to being Britt. I think about God's love for us. 

I can't even begin to comprehend it. And I will never fully understand it...the magnitude, at least not on this earth or in this life. But I have an idea, a small inkling of what it is like. I've come to feel of the love he has for us, through the love I have and have gained for my sweet brother. 

It brings me to tears trying to wrap my head around it. Love is so powerful. It is a feeling that can completely encompass you, surround you, help you, and change you. It's not just about you anymore, it's bigger than yourself, bigger than all of us. 

I know God loves me. I know he loves you. I know he loves my brother. 

When we, ourselves, are struggling in life for whatever reason, facing hard times, getting off track, unhappy or confused...Our Father In Heaven feels that sorrow, that grief, the feeling of a broken heart. He weeps for us, he mourns for us, he wants nothing  more than for us to just wake up, snap out of it, and get back to being his obedient, joyful and righteous children. He wants us to get better. He wants us to get though the storm. He wants us to return to him. 

JUST LIKE WE WANT OUR BRITT TO RETURN TO US!

Can you picture it? Can you imagine it? Even just a little bit? What God feels, how deeply he loves us, each one of his children. And how he so badly wants us to endure through the trials, live our lives obediently and accordingly, so that we might return to him someday. 

God loves you so much. he loves me so much. he loves my brother so much...that he sent his ONLY son, to die for us. TO DIE, for us. So that WE, in times of sorrow and pain, in times of weakness and insecurity, in times of mistake and loneliness, might have a savior. He is our savior. All of these things which are impossible to bear on our own, are born by Christ, so that we are not alone in our darkest hours. Our Father knew, that we could not do these things alone. And so we are never alone. That is so powerful to me. That we....as individuals, are never alone. EVER. As far from home as we might be, as desolate as your heart might feel inside...he is there. He is ALWAYS there. You might feel like no one understands you, like no one has felt what you are feeling. Like you are alone in that. But you are not. He has felt every pain and cried every tear, as you have. He atoned for us, felt EVERYTHING physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, that we have felt and may feel throughout our lives. For those who have come before us, those who are here now, and those who will come in the future. He endured the ultimate sacrifice, so that not a single soul would ever, be alone. 

Alma 7;11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

When I think about the savior in the Garden of Gethsemane, a perfect being, so innocent, so pure...bringing upon himself all the sins, and pains of the world, suffering them...for us. Because He loves us. He so willingly offered himself, to atone for our sins, our shortcomings, our iniquities. Because He, loves us. 

Matthew 26;39 And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.

 Matthew 26;42 He went away again the second time, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done.

 Luke 22;42 Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. 43 And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him. 44 And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground

The Savior performed the ultimate sacrifice in the garden, so that we, could overcome death, physically and spiritually, and return to Him and our Father in Heaven. 

To picture Christ crying, pleading with God to lift this burden, bleeding from every pore, experiencing and feeling all of the pain, the heartbreak, the struggle, the sins, of the ENTIRE WORLD. He endured all of that for us, individually, personally. 

So I ask myself. How could I, in a time like this, not turn to and rely on the atonement of my savior Jesus Christ. How could I let what he did for me then, in the garden of gethsemane...go unnoticed, unused or unappreciated? How could I fall asleep on him, like his apostles Peter, James and John. How could I fall asleep on someone who has done so much for me. I think sometimes, I forget, and sometimes I do find myself falling asleep. 

He did this for me. So that when i feel like no one could possible understand or feel what my heart is feeling...he does. That I can turn to him, to make me whole, healing and comforting me. Strengthening me, carrying me. Because I am not alone. 

Britton is loved by so many. Familiar friends, and strangers from afar. He is loved by his teammates, his coaches, his teachers. He is loved by his family. His sister, his brothers, his mom and dad. But he is most importantly loved by his Father in Heaven. A love that is so strong, so deep, so real, so pure, so true, so everlasting, so infinite. A love that none of us can comprehend. I know that He is holding my brother, constantly telling and showing Britt this love. He is strengthening and preparing him, so that he will be ready to return and take on the world once again. I know that. 

Its been 36 days and he has come so far. Each day, when we see friends we have made here in the ICU, come out of the doors crying, having seen their loved ones take their last breathes...we are quickly reminded that my brother's situation and circumstances could have been very different. They could have so easily gone a different direction. I could have finished this blog days ago, weeks ago. But he is still here, still fighting. Improving each day. And I am fully convinced it is because of the lasting faith, prayers, and belief in our Britt...from all of you. The Lord is seeing your unwavering faith, hearing your continuous prayers, and feeling the hope and belief that you have in an inspiring 16 year old boy from Santa Clara Utah. Thank you, for helping my sweet boy make it this far. We truly do love you. 

Watch this. And Don't ever forget the Love God has for you. The love our Savior has for you. YOU...personally. He knows you. PERSONALLY. He knows your name, he knows your heart, he has felt it all, for you. Don't let the atonement go unused in your life. You are never alone. There is always a way. And HE, is the way. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=goR5FO1vge8