High's and Low's

I know, i know, it has been forever. And I am fired from running this blog. Life is crazy. But I will take full responsibility for not keeping everyone up to date. MY BAD.

Let's try to remember what has gone on the past couple of weeks. Well, as you can imagine, plenty of doctors appointments, check up's and follow up's. Britton got another MRI, and the results were good, nothing seems to be worse, only getting better! Thank heavens. His eyes, have their good days and bad. Somedays he can see fairly well out of the left one, and other days it is really blurry and hard for him. The right one will open up quite a bit ever once in awhile, but for the most part he has to hold it open himself. It still doesn't track or move much, it pretty much just stays fixed, so when he is looking at you it is hard to tell. His speech is still the same, pretty tough to understand him unless you are his family and know how to speak Britton hahah. His speech therapist is so awesome though, and he has been doing a lot of research to try and figure out what we can do to help him and make it better. He said they can see more movement in his velum…i think that is how you spell it, it is this thingy in the back of your throat that helps sounds come out (i might be making that up…look it up on google if you really want to know haha) He has started to put together longer sentences though, more details and big words. It was so funny, the other night i was telling him about a boy, and asking him what he thinks I should do, and the way he was responding and communicating with me was like nothing was even wrong. It was a perfectly normal conversation, just like I would have had with him 7 months ago. That is something that I am so thankful for and will never take for granite…that i can have sit down with my brother and have a conversation with him, whether it be simple or deep. Im so thankful that he is able to understand and communicate just like the old Britt.

A few weeks ago he went through a rough couple of days. For some reason he was just really down, and would have crying episodes at night for hours. We tried to handle it as best as possible, but that stuff can be hard on a family. It tugs on your emotions like no other. I'm thankful for my dad in those moments that the coach can come out in him and talk Britton back up, he can allude things to sports and to games and to being an athlete in general and help him wipe away the tears. It is hard to know the right time for those moments though. We know that sometimes he is going to cry and feel sad, and disappointed and frustrated and all of those things. It is more than natural, it has to happen, given the circumstances he is in. I think it is very important for those emotions to be felt, because it is all  a part of the healing process. You can't just brush it off every time…there are definitely moments where you have to cry, and let it all out. I have learned that the past few months. As much as i want to always be that tough girl who doesn't cry about it, because there is nothing she can do about it…i've learned that i have to. The only way i will ever heal, just like my brother, is to allow those emotions and feelings to be felt every once in awhile. But to always get back up and keep moving forward. Always.

He made it through all of the state baseball games, and refused to be anywhere else but the dugout with his team. He loves those boys and that game more than anything. He came home from an appointment the other day discouraged because he was told he would never play football again. He was really upset and down about it, so i had a long talk with him, and it was really good, we figured a lot of things out and set some goals. Even though he might not play football he will still be just as much a part of the team. His coach came over the other day to bring him his spirit pack and all the shirts have a number 7 on them with #believe4britton on them, and a really cool saying about warriors… which describes my brother perfectly. The fact that the coach and team went out of their way to do such a sweet thing for my brother and make him feel like a big part of them, means more than they will ever know, especially to him. Anyway, after our long talk, we decided that he is perfectly capable of playing baseball again and nothing can stop him from reaching that goal. So we are focused on getting better and stronger and either being able to play this season, or maybe next! But that is the plan. And I think it is possible, but it is going to take a whole lot of time work and effort to get him there!!

We were walking out of the hospital about a week ago and a little boy with special needs came up to him and was just trying to be friendly…but he said some things about Britton joining him in Special Ed next year at school because he was handicapped now and needed to be in special ed classes. Now, I know very well that this boy was just excited to see him and talk to him, and didn't know any better. But as I wheeled my brother into the elevator he burst into tears and so did I. My brother is fully aware of what is going on. He really has no mental issues or problems when it comes to real life stuff. So he gets it. Perfectly, he gets it. He doesn't want people thinking he is handicapped or has special needs. And as his sister neither do I. Because he isn't, at all. yes he has physical disabilities right now because of his injuries and his brain doesn't work exact like it used to but on the inside he is still a 16 year old boy who get's it. Who just wants to be normal and is trying so hard to be. As I sit here typing this it is so hard not to tear up at the thought of this day. All he could say is I'm not handicapped am I? Why does he think I am handicapped. Will I have to go to special ed and special needs mutual?

These questions just ripped at my heart. I was trying so hard to keep my composure and help him understand that the boy didn't mean it. This kind of thing has happened a few times, and it's just as hard every time. When we go places in public and some people stare, I just worry about him…I hope he isn't thinking too much about it or letting it get to him.

Although the other day we were searching for a parking spot and the lot was packed…the only spot open was handicapped parking….i looked at him and he looked at me, and sat there for a second, and started laughing…."I MEAN I BASICALLY AM SO JUST DO IT. What are they going to do…give me ticket. I don't think so." I died laughing. Such a crack up. That is the sense of humor that i love and absolutely could not live without. He keeps my spirits up when it should be me doing the opposite for him.

But on a lighter not, literally EVERYWHERE we go….people flock to him. and i mean, FLOCK. Like the freakin paparazzi…it is so hilarious. Especially younger kids. "Brittttttttttttton, HIIIIIIIIII Britton!!!! Can we take a picture with you?! You're awesome Britton! We love you!!!!!!" So dang cute. He loves it too, and thinks it is so funny. Me and my mom just sit back and watch. We went to Greysons 7th grade talent show (where he performed scooter tricks to the song Dynamite by the way hahahah) and after the show, i swear the whole school was in line to get a picture with Britton. If we are in a restaurant or at a ball game, no matter where we are there are always Britton fans. And I can't express how grateful we are for that. It is the greatest thing in the world to watch complete strangers introduce themselves to Britt and tell him how he has impacted their lives, or how much they love him and have prayed for him. It helps my brother to see and understand how many people love him and believe in him. He needs to see that and hear it from them. It helps him so much and gives him that little boost that he needs.

There's a few other funny things that he has said that ill tell you about real quick before i forget.

So the other day i lost my phone, and i was like, "don't you hate it when you can't find your phone?" And he said, "yeah. I haven't been able to find mine for 7 months."

He still orders a bowl of whipped cream everywhere we go.

Then we were sitting in the car at a baseball game and had the windows down. Some lady a few cars down was yelling something to one of her kids and britton thought she was talking to him…so he responded. And then she looked at him, and i was like "britton she wasn't talking to you." And he says…"Well that's what happens when you only have one eye." Cause he couldn't see her hahahahaha.

"it's common sense mom." He says that like 50 times a day.

His first attempted selfie.

OKAY. THIS ONE IS THE BEST. So remember how my mom got in a crash with those two old people in the Mcdonald's parking lot? Well every time we go there (cause my mom has to get a coke there like at least 3 times a day) every time, we are driving out (the spot where they ran into her) he says "WHAMMM-OOOOHHH" It is thee absolute funniest thing. Every. Single. Time. He doesn't forget.

My mom told him to keep an eye on ledger while she went outside, and britton says…. "okay mom. Ledger….I got my eye on you. Literally. My eye. My one eye."

So I am sitting on the couch and Britton and my mom walk in, and she walks him over to sit by me. He sits down and is looking all suspicious. My mom walks away…he looks at me and gives me the funniest look ever like he is up to something, big time. He looks back to see where my mom is, then looks at me, looks back at my mom again to make sure the coast is clear. Reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a freakin chocolate chip cookie. He starts doing this silent laugh and pointing at the cookie and at my mom. So i got the hint that he stole the cookie from my mom and put it in his pocket. I started busting up laughing and he shoved it back into his pocket and my mom walked over and asked us what was so funny. Im still laughing, and Britton is sitting there trying to look all innocent with cookie crumbs all over his lap, and my mom said..Britton why is there cookie all over you and starts brushing it off and felt the cookie in his pocket, pulled it out and was like, heyyyy i thought i left that at the store.

He is a bottomless pitt i tell you. He is never satisfied…or full. So after ever meal, he is like "mommmmmm, what's next?!" then my mom will say something like, i have fed you everything in our fridge. "BUT MOM I AM A GROWING BOY. I AM A HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPO." every single time. So then, i said…britton you are turning into a hippo. And he said, your mom's a hippo. But my mom didn't hear and we just laughed to ourselves about it hahahahaha.

"Hey look I'm Greyson"

He has this watch that his therapist gave to him because he asks everyone what time it is like a million times a day. So yeah, he has this new watch. and he has to shower with it, sleep with it, the thing doesn't come off. He won't allow it. He checks it every 5 minutes no joke it is so funny. And he made me read him the owners manual…not once, but twice. Yep. Twice, so we could learn all of the functions.

exhibit A

His truck has a security system on it, and today one of the guys who are working on the pool accidentally tapped his truck and all the alarms went off. And Britton was like, "HAAAA NOT SO FAST FELLAS. THAT THINGS ON LOCK DOWN." Just yells it from inside the house. Even though no one could hear him.

He tried to convince me to give him a piece of gum, told me that he has chewed it lots of times before and that i couldn't stop him. So i finally gave in and let him have a piece. 10 minutes later i see him searching the underneath his seat in his truck and looking all around. I asked him what he was looking for, and he said nothing. So i kept on driving. When we got out of the car, i was helping him walk into the house and noticed a huge white thing on his butt. WELL WHAT DO YA KNOW. A piece of gum stuck to his shorts. hmmm.

Anyway. Yeah, he keeps us laughing that is for sure. He has always been super funny, but kept it to himself, unless you knew him really well he'd open up to you and be himself…but he doesn't hold anything back anymore. It's all or nothing these days.

Baby Britton.

He went to a convention the other night with all of the first responders who were at the scene the day of the accident, the life flight crew, the ambulances, everyone. They presented britton's case and did a big presentation on it. I didn't get to go but my dad said it was so awesome, and they gave him a huge standing ovation and had him give a speech. He is so thankful for those special people who were there for him the day of his accident, as are we. They saved his life and acted perfectly and appropriately when he had seconds if not that to live. We will forever have a special spot for them in our hearts. The love they have shown our family and my brother the past 7 months has been absolutely incredible. And we could never repay them for what they did for him that day.

One of his trainers who helped him with lifting and speed training before all of this, comes and works with him a few times a week and it is so awesome. He pushes britton and makes him work really hard, which britton loves. It has been so good for him. Yet another example of incredible, selfless people, who give up their time and energy to help my sweet brother.

So last night was quite the night. It was a really good day that tuned really hard…really quick. My dad and Ledger headed off to vegas for a baseball tournament and Greyson was out with friends, so my mom and I decided to take Britt on a date. He wanted to go to the movie…so we got him all dressed up and headed out. He insisted on getting cotton candy because it dissolves and he wouldn't have a problem eating it. So my mom got him some and we went and sat down in the theater. Everything was going really good until he started eating the cotton candy really fast, and my mom was trying to tell him to slow down but he was getting kind of mad at her for telling him what to do. About 5 minutes later my mom noticed he was having a hard time breathing, and she kind of started to panic. He wasn't really giving her a yes or no answer, and i didn't know what to do because i didn't want to make a scene in the theater. Well…we made a scene. He started chocking, and couldn't breath. My mom was freaking out and i stood up and told someone to call 911. A few people from the row in front of us came back to help my mom pat his back while she tried to get the cotton candy out of the back of his throat. Saying it was scary was an understatement. Everything was so hectic, and everyone was panicking, and i was just frozen, not really knowing what to do. I just had this thought running through my head like, oh my gosh this can't be it. I honestly thought that he was going to pass out and stop breathing and i couldn't move or say anything really. I was sweating and felt like i was going to pass out because i was in shock and so scared and didn't know what to do. The cotton candy had become hardened in the back of his throat, and he didn't know because it is numb back there and he can't feel anything. So It was like a hockey puck in the back of his throat my mom was pounding on his back and screaming, and sticking her hand in the back of his throat to try and get it out. People turned on their flashlights on their phones to try and help us see. We poured water down his throat and he was able to cough up some of the cotton candy to wear he could swallow water and breath again. I grabbed him and tried to get him out of the theater as fast as i could, there were a lot of people around helping us and the cops showed up as soon as we got into the hallway. He was breathing fine at that point, but was in a little bit of shock. I was trying to hold back the tears and so was he. I could tell he was so embarrassed and sorry for ruining everyones movie, he told them thank you and sorry and was trying not to cry. The ambulance guys came and checked his vitals and everything was fine. But holy crap. What a nightmare. It was so scary, i can't even explain. I was so scared something was going to happen…and i couldn't help but think…not after all he's been through, not now. Thank heavens for such sweet kind, and caring people who helped us. I felt so bad after for causing such a scene and interrupting the movie, but i don't know what else we would have done. As we were walking out Britton said to one of the officers, "ill tell you what, you guys got here fast." We decided to just leave after that. Poor britt just wasn't himself the rest of the night. I had a hard time too. It just sucked. He didn't need that. I want him to feel like he can go out in public and do normal things without something always happening or going wrong. It was kind of an eye opener for all of us. It just broke my heart to see him so sad and embarrassed the rest of the night. I can't help but feel for him. I would just do anything in the world to switch him places. Anything.

Today has been great so far though. He is incredible. His spirit, his demeanor, his perspective. Each day i am in awe at the young man he has become.

I hope you know how special you all are to him and to my entire family. NO way would he be here without your prayers, love and service. We could never thank you enough. PLease please please keep those prayers coming. He still needs them just as bad as before. If theres something specific you could pray for it would be that the nerves dealing with his eyes and facial muscles can heal properly and start to function normally again so that he can see. And that he can continue to gain physically strength. Thank you thank you thank you a million trillion times. WE love you. Keep believing.

XOXO Autumn