HC 2015

Here is a video of the weekend! Word on the street is, he was busting some serious moves on the dance floor. (I taught him everything he knows)

Hey Hey!! I have a lot of good stuff to write about! I went home this past weekend, because Britt was going to homecoming...and like, I wouldn't miss that for the world. I hadn't seen him for a whole 3 weeks! That is the longest I've been away from him since his accident, so you can imagine how excited I was to be reunited with my main squeeze. And of course I missed the other two little punks but they don't show me the love i deserve when i walk through that door...haha, just kidding. First of all, I could not believe how much progress Britt has made walking. It was so awesome to see how much he had progressed since the last time i was with him. Obviously it still isnt perfect, but his balance was a million times better and he just seemed a lot more stable, hobblin all around the house like he does. My mom said she has to keep an extra close eye on him lately because he is getting too confident, which can be a bad thing, if she weren't around and he fell. He tries to be all sneaky and stuff she said, so she has him on lock down 24/7 hahahah. But even his cute face looked better, it just looked more normal, more like Britt i guess. He still has a lot of numbness and nerve damage thought parts of his face, but it seemed like to me that it has improved. His pearly whites are looking so good and straight, hopefully when he gets his braces off it will help him with his speech and being able to chew his food better. As far as food goes, he still cant have solids, we still have to make sure its grinded up pretty good so he can get it down. But he has slowly started eating little snack foods, practicing chewing with his speech therapist. Britt has been going to each session of therapy about 2 or 3 times a week now, so his visits are about up for the year.....again. dang it. so they are going to space them out, to maybe once a week. I've noticed, especially lately, that he has been having a lot of memory problems. Lot's of short-term memory loss i think, he forgets really easily things he has previously said or done. But, they told us that is expected, especially with his brain injury. He has a really hard time recalling what he did throughout the day, or where he puts things, just little stuff like that. Britt is doing really good, he is...but he still has hard days, and even harder moments. It is so hard for me not to be there when he is down and out about things, especially when i get calls from my mom not knowing how to handle it. I feel bad for her, that she has to deal with all of that, especially because I could usually calm Britt down and talk him through whatever it was he was crying about. Some nights I just feel like I have run out of options as to how I can help him, and be there for him, when I'm not there. His heart is struggling with so much, and he wont admit it, but i know he is. It is so hard to know what to say or do, when you feel like you've already said and done everything you can. And my mom asks me all the time, what should I say to him, I don't know how to help him or what to do....and most of the time i feel the same way. I feel like I've run out of ideas. That nothing I say or do is going to help him because it's something he has heard a million times. And I cant relate to him because i have not the slightest idea of how he might feel and what he is going through. Telling him it's all going to be alright, and that things are going to be okay...get's old for him, it would get old for me too if i were in his shoes. And when i feel like i've ran out of options, out of ways to lift his spirits and help him find happiness in the little things,I'm quickly reminded that we are never out of options, because we are never alone in any battle or hardship we face. I'm thankful to have a loving Heavenly Father and compassionate Savior, Jesus Christ, who will always listen, and always help. There arms are stretched forth, always, Willing to give us a hand in anything and everything we do, if we just reach, and ask in faith. So when i feel like I've exhausted all possible methods of helping my sweet brother through this time in his life, and when my mom asks me what more she can do to be there for him, all I can think to say is pray. I think sometimes i try to do things on my own, try to fix it all, on my own. We all probably do, at times. But we eventually realize and remember that IT AINT HAPPENIN. It just doesn't work like that, ya know? We weren't put here to fall, time and time again, and try to figure it out by ourselves. We were put here to stumble, yes, but to also succeed and with the help of Heavenly Father and his Son. So as helpless as i feel sometimes when it comes to what i can do or say for my brother, I'm so thankful that the power of prayer and everlasting love of God, which is always our best option, right?

Britt got to be the honorary team captain at the homecoming game. Watching him walk out onto the field with his teammates, wearing that jersey, #7 on his back, was a real tear jerker. You know me, the big baby. I watched him as he walked up and down the sidelines all night, my dads arms around him. He would get so excited on a big play, and jump up and down, losing his balance with my dad there to catch him. Or trying to chase down a player coming off the field to tell them good job and give them a chest bump. It was so good to see him down there. In his element. But i couldn't help but feel so sad at the same time. All Britt has ever known, is being an athlete and being a part of a team. I know it's just high school sports, and I know in the big picture they are very insignificant. But to my family, and especially me, they have and always will mean so much. I feel like a lot of who I am, came from those long hours in the gym, those early mornings on the field, and the moments of defeat and success that come a long with it. the bonds and friendships you make with your teammates and coaches. The countless hours of practice and preperation, the tears and the sweat. The adrenaline rush, the pressure moments and situations that really test you, the sound of the crowd cheering your name. The lessons you learn, and the amount you grow, not only as an athlete but as a person. It's all a part of it. Some of the greatest memories of my life were made on a field or on a court. As I watched my brother down there, my heart hurt for him. All these years I've looked forward to watching him out there, under the lights. I've looked forward to seeing him grow into the athlete I've always known he would become. I've been so excited for him to feel and experience all those things that come with high school sports. Everything I said above. And it kills me to think that he probably isn't going to get that. I know it is hard for him, i know he was looking forward to it more than anyone, so seeing him out there was so special but also hard and bittersweet. It might not have been in the way I had always imagined or hoped for, but it was close enough, and I'll take it, gratefully.

Britt got to go the hunt of a lifetime with my dad in Kansas for whitetail, a couple weeks ago. I'm going to have him write about it because I wasn't there for all the fun to do it justice, but let's just say there are some pretty amazing people out there, especially Young Guns Outdoors, and Wildbone Youth for making the hunt possible. I know Britton had such a good time, and made memories he will never forget. But even more so, I think he realized and learned a lot about himself that trip. They hiked miles and miles, and it was a lot of hard work. Hunting has always been something britt has loved, he grew up in the mountains scouting with my dad, or out back shooting targets. It's almost second nature for him.  I'm pretty sure he knew how to drive a 4-wheeler before he learned how to walk. I remember talking to him a little bit before he left for the hunt, and he was worried that he wouldn't be capable of getting around, or even shooting a buck. And to be honest, I was a little worried too. I didnt want him to be disappointed if it didn't work out. But he proved himself wrong, and he did it. Just like the old days. We laughed and laughed about a comment he made. He said something about being a sharp shooter and having a "dead" eye....literally. hahaha I mean, that is pretty impressive, only being able to see out of a tiny slit in your left eye and shooting a buck dead on. I'm so proud of him. 

Britt has been loving school, he still goes for a couple hours a day, in the mornings, and then he usually goes to lunch with one of his friends. He cant really eat anything when they go so he usually gets milkshakes to suffice hahaha.

He has still been practicing driving with my dad, a couple times a week. For some reason, being able to drive again is a HUGE deal to him. like, he would rather drive before walk hahaha. I think he feels like, if he could drive, he would feel a lot more normal, and have a lot more freedom. But he doesn't understand that there is a lot that goes with driving. He has to be able to process thinks quickly and think clearly all the time, he has to be able to see good enough out of his eyes, and he has to be able to walk and have quick enough reflexes. I see how much he wants those things, and I just pray pray pray they will come, and that someday he will be pulled up next to me at the stop light asking to race hahaha. 

So, let's get to the important stuff. HE WENT TO HOMECOMING. And just with the cutest girl in the world, so no big deal or anything. Britt asked his best friend, Ally Akins to go with him. I'm going to go on a little spill about Ally real quick. This girl is the definition of an angel. And she has been Britton's since day one, she's been our whole families. Ally and Britton grew up together, from preschool to jr year of high school they've always been there for each other, through thick and thin. There is this cutest picture of them together on the first day of preschool hanging in his room. I remember the day it happened, running into the ICU to see my mom and dad so broken. As I held them tight, I saw ally across the hall in the waiting room. As hard it was to see my mom and dad like that, it was just as hard seeing sweet Ally. I remember the look on her face, her eyes so swollen and red, I could see how heavy her heart was. For 3 whole months Ally sat in the ICU waiting room, everyday, without fail. She would write pages in his journal that we had out in the waiting room for his friends to write in, and she would tell him all about her day, all about their memories and inside jokes, and then how badly she missed him and wanted him to wake up and get better. I know this probably isn't ethical or whatever, but I would read it everyday. They'd make me smile, and laugh, and cry all at the same time. I'd read them to him, every night, even though he was unconscious, I had a good feeling he could hear them. And then, when people were cleared to see him, she was there every day for 3 more months, she would sit by his bed, hold his hand and tell him stories. And I'm not kidding you, sometimes she would show up at 10 o clock pm, because she was so busy, but she would come, always. And if for some reason she was out of town, she would call, and have someone write in the journal for her. It blew my mind how loyal she was to him. How much she cared about him. I couldn't help but feel so thankful to my heavenly father for putting her in his life. We could always count on her, always. When Britton was finally able to come home, there she was. Again, every day. She would come over and play games with him, or just sit on the couch and watch tv. She would text him and call him, you name it. Constantly, there for him. She has talked him through a lot of hard days and nights. He trusts her, he confides in her, he goes to her when he needs advice or a shoulder to cry on. And she protects him, and looks out for him, in whatever it might be. Watching her with him this past weekend really made my sister heart smile. She has a way of making him feel like nothing ever happened, like nothing has changed. He got home from their day date in pine valley, and I couldn't wipe that smile off of his face for nothing. It was so cute, he was so happy. Just beaming happiness, and nothing in this whole wide world makes me happier than seeing him that way. Because truthfully, those smiles, those real, genuine, radiant smiles of his, are hard to come by these days. But she does it to him. I watched as she held onto him, walking him out to the truck after he picked her up, and i couldn't help but get a little emotional. Friends like that are one in a million. And i'm so happy they have each other. Because I know for a fact, Britt couldn't get through a single day without her. 

I remember last year's homecoming dance. I came home from school to see Britt off to his first date and first dance, with one of my favorite girls in history of time (and Britt's too) Aspen Hickman. Who is Ally's best friend, they've always been like the 3 musketeers! They looked like a freakin couple out of a magazine. I couldn't believe my baby brother was that old, and that he scored a babe of a girl like Aspy. I remember how handsome he looked that night, how grown up and mature, and how happy he was. It was all so weird for me, to see him that way. It was like overnight he grew up. I took their group pictures and told him that if he doesn't kiss her, to not bother coming home. hahahahah. So of course I waited up all night long for him to get home.......

So this past weekend was a little emotional for me. I guess, because so much had changed in a single year. The last time my brother went to homecoming he was this perfectly, healthy, strong, charismatic, teenage boy. And this time around things are a little different. When the sadness and longing for that same Britt from a year ago sinks in, I just remember that what I have now, the Britt I have today, is just as great if not better. I'm thankful for Gods plan, the individual one he has for each of us. I feel lucky to have a brother that was so courageous and brave in the life before, that he decided he would take this challenge on. As I watched him all night with his friends, my heart became so full of gratitude and love for each of them. They will never understand or begin to realize what they mean to not only Britton, but to my whole family. The way they treat him and accept him, work with him, and care for him, is unreal. And i don't know what he did to deserve so many amazing boys and girls in his life but I'm dang happy about it. If it weren't for them, and the love they show him, things would be much different, much harder. They lift his spirits when he is down, and mend his heart when it is broken. 

Keep those prayers coming, he still needs them, every minute of every day! They are truly felt and seen, and we are so thankful for your love and support always....

XOXO, Autumn