Can't Stop, Won't Stop

just a little somethin bout Britt. Ever since he started playing football way back when, he has played qb! He has always been one of the smallest kids on the field, but that has never stopped him from hustling, working hard and getting the job done. He loves football! He is fast and smart and has a heck of an arm! If he isnt playing quarter back, he's probably playing safety. He is just as scrappy on the defensive end. I love watching this kid play football. Here is a video of a crazy play when he was younger.

Today has been a pretty quiet day! Britt got to take a nice long shower this morning, and was even scrubbing his own hair. Then he took on about 3 hours of therapy and worked really hard, as usual. He was super tired after though, and the rest of the day he has pretty much just been relaxing and resting. He has figured out how to touch his face and his hair, and it's like he is amazed at these new discoveries. It's hilarious, he is always touching his ears, and nose, and head now. We think that he might have some sensations coming back, like itching and tingling so that's why he is always touching them. He has me scratch his scars for him about once every 10 minutes hahaha, he says they are itchy. He can do it by himself every once in awhile. He was having his nurse scratch him behind the ears today like a little dog and he loved it, we thought it was pretty funny. He has started to be able to close his mouth on command, and we have noticed that the right side of his face is starting to get some feeling and movement back! So those are great signs!! He also has this new obsession with his tongue...always sticking it in and out and up and down. I just love the kid.

Last night I watched a bit of the snow canyon sophomore basketball game. I did fine at first cause I was trying not to think about it much, but then I couldn't help but think that I should be there watching my little brother play. That he should be out there on the court bringing the ball down the court, playing scrappy defense like he does, getting steals, and dribbling around like a little maniac. A couple days before the accident, Britton had texted me. Not a day goes by that I don't go back through those messages. He asked me how I was, what I had been up to, all that stuff. He told me about how basketball tryouts were in a week and how he was so excited for the season. He said he was a little bit nervous, and I told him he would be just fine, to play hard and have fun doing it. I was so excited for him to start playing high school ball, and to get to play on that court. Some of my favorite memories and biggest lessons were learned right there, so I was so eager for him to experience all of that too. As I was watching those boys out there on the court, it hurt my heart a little bit. I hope that someday he will be out there again with them. Because I know he loved it. I noticed a few of them had 7's written on their arms. That made me cry. I thought I was going to have to leave but I got it together haha. That really meant so much. I don't think those boys will ever know how much it means. To know that they are thinking about him, and that in a small way, he is out there on the court playing with them. It's the simplest things, that have the most meaning.

My dad is with britt in the early mornings, and he said that he has been starting to help dress himself, he lifts his legs up, puts them through, lifts his arms, tries to pull his arms through and his head. He is getting much better at it!

So something pretty cool happened today. We wanted to see if he could read things, and HE CAN. We held up a bunch of words in front of him, and we asked him what they said, naming a bunch of the things and then what it actually said, and he nailed it. We were so excited!!! Something is working in that brain of his:)

Hot Diggity Dog

Britt worked so hard yesterday. Literally 4 hours of physical therapy. We worked on sitting up and rolling over some more. He is getting so good at it, he still cant quite do it on his own, but he has the mechanics down which is the most important part. We walked quite a ways and guess what...HE STOOD BY HIMSELF! For probably, a solid 30 seconds, it was so awesome!! I will put together a video in the next couple of days to show you what we have been working on! He is getting much better at gripping things, picking them up and placing them. Britton has acquired a new nick name around these parts, and it goes a little something like this...one eye'd willy. He always has got that left eye opened half way. They deflated his cuff today for about an hour and he did so good!

He also got a visit from his new life coach, who will help him cope with things as he becomes more aware, and he will help him get his mind off of whats going on here by doing activities that normal 16 year old boys do. So we are excited for that! We have noticed that it is frustrating for Britton at times when he is trying to communicate what he wants or needs, because he cant tell us. So we are trying to find ways for him to do that. Usually he just wants chapstick, hahahah.

Britt saw a dog in the hallway today and got all excited about it, so we had it come in and hang out for awhile. He loveddddddd it, so much. He was petting it and snuggling with it. He was a happy camper.

He has started doing new facial expressions lately that are so funny. And he laughs at everything, all of my jokes, all of my moms jokes, so that makes us feel good. He is getting a little bit better at driving his wheelchair, sometimes he forgets to open his eye and runs into things, but he's getting there...i would just advise all of the staff and personal to avoid the hallways when he's in them.

He is just so dang cute. And so tough. Each day I learn something new from him. He is my hero.

Pitch Perfect

So britt has been working on his speech lately. The speech therapist is the bomb, and always gets the most out of Britton. Britt is unable to speak, even if he wanted to or tried, nothing would come out, because the cuff in his trach is inflated, and nothing can go past that. So they have been coming in once a day to deflate it and do some exercises. We work on opening and closing the mouth and moving the tongue around. Then we count down from three and give one big breath and say "AHH", he has made so much progress since they first started about a week ago. It is going to take a while for his vocal chords to start woking properly again, and he may even have to relearn words and how to talk. We will know more about that when he is more awake. But here is a little video of what i am talking about, it is pretty funny, he sounds like a baby t-rex dinosaur, getting eaten by a big t-rex, but it's the noise we want to hear!!!

I just cant get over how dang luck we are to have him here, and to have witnessed miracles and blessings each day the way we have. It is so incredible the progress he has made in the last 2 weeks. He is doing so well here, and the staff is unreal!! They work him and love him and care for him so much. He just keeps getting a little bit better a little bit at a time. Somedays reality hits hard, and i have to take a minute to stop feeling bad, upset, angry or confused...because how can I complain about the situation when all we have seen is improvement and progress? Of course, it has not been easy, not for a second, there have been bumps and scares along the way, but that's where we have grown most. I just feel so grateful. Everyday I think to myself how luck I am to still have my sweet brother here with me, when it so easily could've been very different.

I've learned a lot about myself the past 3 months. And I think that is true for everyone who goes through hard things. I've learned a lot about life, perspective, fragility. I have a better understanding of a lot of things that weren't so clear before. You learn the most about yourself when you are faced with difficulty. Never in my life would I have thought I could get through something like this. I was that girl that absolutely feared this more than anything in the world, I couldn't even fathom the thought of it. But like I said in a previous post, you can never be prepared for circumstances like this...but when they happen, you find a way to get through it and you do it as best as you can. I've learned that I am strong. That I can handle a lot more than I ever thought possible. But I have that magnitude of strength because of my Savior. I would've only gotten so far on my own, and eventually I would've ran out of gas. I can't explain, in words, how the power and strength of the Lord has carried me through this. I think I can speak for the rest of my family when I say that too. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that, it's not so much that I've learned a lot about myself, but I've learned a lot about who I am and who I can become if I put my full heart and trust in Him and let Him work through me, beside me, with me.

Out of anyone though, it's my brother who has taught me the most. I've always considered myself the smarter, wiser, older and better looking one;) hahaha just kidding. He has taught me more valuable lessons in 3 months, than I have learned in 20 years. And he hasn't said a thing. He's the smart one, the wise one, the special one. And i feel so honored to be his sister. He has changed the way I think and the way I live my life. He has given me a testimony of things that that I thought I had before, but really, I didn't. At least not to this degree. I've witnessed the Lord work miracles through him. And I've witnessed my brother reach the hearts of millions. He's on a pretty remarkable mission right now, and I don't even think he knows it.

CLEAR THE ROADS

Britton drove his wheel chair today.

I'd rather be driving with someone under the influence than with him on that wheelchair. 

HILARIOUS, though. So funny. 

Today was such a fun day, he did so good! Here is a video showing some stuff we did!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCKGJ81MlEY

The Almighty

Today I have been thinking a lot about our heavenly and almighty God. How truly powerful he is and how he is able and willing to deliver us, if our faith and trust is vested in him.

"A Mighty Fortress is Our God"
A mighty fortress is our God,
A tower of strength ne'er failing.
A helper mighty is our God,
O'er ills of life prevailing.
He overcometh all.
He saveth from the Fall.
His might and pow'r are great.
He all things did create.
And he shall reign for evermore.

Mosiah 3: 5 For behold, the time cometh, and is not far distant, that with power, the Lord Omnipotent who reigneth, who was, and is from all eternity to all eternity, shall come down from heaven among the children of men, and shall dwell in a tabernacle of clay, and shall go forth amongst men, working mighty miracles, such as healing the sick, raising the dead, causing the lame to walk, theblind to receive their sight, and the deaf to hear, and curing all manner of diseases. 

6 And he shall cast out devils, or the evil spirits which dwell in the hearts of the children of men. 

7 And lo, he shall suffer temptations, and pain of body, hunger, thirst, and fatigue, even more than man can suffer, except it be unto death; for behold, blood cometh from every pore, so great shall be his anguish for the wickedness and the abominations of his people. 

8 And he shall be called Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Fatherof heaven and earth, the Creator of all things from the beginning; and his mother shall be called Mary.

My heart is full tonight...because I know this almighty God, personally, and He knows me. He is aware of me, my family and especially my brother. It has been ever so clear that he is aware of my sweet brother. He has delivered him, and poured countless blessings and miracles upon him, healing him with each day, spiritually and physically. 

He is ever powerful, and merciful. He loves unconditionally and provides a way to conquer death, and to return to him. 

"He made the blind see, the deaf hear and the crippled walk."

"When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the man who could not walk, “Arise, and take up thy bed, and go thy way” (Mark 2:11). Immediately the man stood up, picked up his bed, and left. The people were amazed and gave glory to God.

Many times as Jesus entered villages, cities, or the countryside, crowds of people came to Him. They carried beds and brought their sick so that Jesus could make them well. Many times Jesus made the blind see, the deaf hear, and the crippled walk. When people saw Jesus heal the sick, their faith grew, and they knew He was the Christ." -from the Friend (May 2011)

All that have faith in him, shall receive. I know that my brother can be made whole again through the power of God...to what extent, I am unsure. But I will hope and pray, and believe on his name, that it will be a full recovery, because he is more than capable of that. I have always been taught to dream big. I know that whatever comes of this is the Lords will, but theres no harm in having the faith that what i'm hoping for so badly, is his will. He heals the sick, blind, deaf and crippled, he can surely heal my little brother!

Britt had a good Sunday I'd say...."sunday spa day" was going down over here, hahah he got a nice long bath, his feet rubbed several times and just got to chill and watch espn all day. 

special treatment, much?

He deserves it. It's going to be a good week, I can feel it! I'm excited to see the progress he will make. Thank you for your nonstop prayers and sweet concern. We are so thankful for you and what you've done for my family and brother. We wouldn't be able to do it without you, and neither would Britt. 

once britt sent me this snap chat and i thought it was pretty funny...

Remembering

I only got to spend half the day with Britt today, but it was surely a great one!

He and my dad did some walking and standing up this morning, since saturdays and sundays are his days off from PT. Then he got a visit from some boys on the Utah Baseball team and their coach! I'm good friends with a bunch of them, so it was fun to see them interacting with Britt. They were so sweet, and had him smiling and laughing at everything. He loved showing them all of his tricks and things he can do.

I was sitting there thinking to myself, you know what, I don't know if we have ever fully explained to him what has happened. So i figured since it was just me and him and nothing to do, I would talk to him about it. I asked him if he wanted me to tell him everything, and if he remembered what happened, he said he wanted to know cause he couldn't remember.  So I told him. Every single detail from beginning to now. He was very emotional, more than I have ever seen him. He cried real tears for the first time. As I wiped them from his eyes, I couldn't help but cry too. I can only imagine what he must be feeling inside. I stressed to him though, the impact he has made on so many lives, the example he has been, and the mark his story and who he is as a person has left on millions of hearts. He just cried, and nodded his head. I don't know if he will ever fully understand the impact he has had. I kind of gave him a pep talk, the competitive spirit in me came out, and we decided that we are going to win this dang thing, if it takes every last bit of us.

Then Britt got some more visitors, two people who i had never met, but they had been at the temple and felt strongly that they needed to come over and talk to him. And it's crazy how the Lord works sometimes because he said to Britton, in the most perfect words, what I had been trying to tell him 10 minutes before. The spirit was so strong, and I could tell that Britton was touched by what he had to say. Britt was trying so hard not to cry, trying to hold the emotions back, he was trying to be tough. For never having met my brother, they had a connection that I cant explain...but it was so humbling and amazing to watch. I'm grateful for them, the prompting they felt to come visit, and that they acted upon that. Because it was exactly what my brother needed to hear.

Today is Snow Canyon's Jr. Prom. I got to take pictures for Britt's friend' group. It was a little bit hard seeing all of them dressed up in their tuxes, I couldn't help but think he should be there with them with his date. I know he will be back busting moves on the dance floor in no time though.

Britt looked extra handsome today, so i snapped a few pics:) typical...

Victory Dance

Today, Britton and his baby biceps (hahah just kidding britt) beat me in an arm wrestle. He was trying so hard too it was hilarious! It was pretty obvious that he was excited, clearly he has never beat me in anything before... (watch his victory fist pumps and smile)

Britt did a lot of walking today, clear down the hallway. It is so crazy to me that even though he isn't fully awake or aware, he is still able to participate and go through the motions of taking steps. It is a lot of work though, for sure. By the time they were done helping him they had to change into a new pair of clothes because they were so sweaty!

Britt will do almost anything you tell him to. He is so responsive and follows all commands, and if he cant do it, he gives it a good effort. It is so cool. 

Today i was laying down next to him on the mat, we were taking a time out from therapy, and resting. I was just holding his hand and looking at his cute face. He was just staring at me through that half opened eye of his. For a second, my heart just hurt. Like I said, every once in awhile it hits you that this is reality, and that it's actually happened. I was thinking about how my little brother not very long ago, was running around, lifting weights, being his athletic strong self...and now we are laying on a mat working on rolling over. It is just so crazy how things can change. And I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry so bad, but when I am looking at him it's like I'm looking at an angel. A spirit so special and so close to heaven, so wise and full of strength beyond measure. When I look at him and see that, I am quickly reminded that life is so fragile. There's so much more to life than what we get caught up in ever day. You never know when your life will be changed for ever, and just in a matter of seconds. He is just incredible, and has taught me so much about everything and anything. He has changed me. Completely. You wouldn't believe the attitude this kid has. He never wants to stop, he just wants to work work and work some more. He wants to get better, or pass out trying. Literally. Yesterday we were walking him down the hall and he was hyperventilating, and we asked him if he wanted to sit down and take a break...nope, he shook that head and wanted to keep on going, even though he was about to pass out. How he has a constant smile on his face and a determined attitude to work hard, through such hard circumstances, I will never know. It blows me away. 

A bunch of his buddies came by today to say hi and talk for awhile, and he was so happy to see all of them. It makes me happy to see him so excited. And to know that he has such good friends, who have stuck with him through the past 3 months, even though they've been so hard. They talk about a bunch of things that are happening at school and all of their funny stories and inside jokes. He get's laughing pretty hard. They are the greatest boys around...he is definitely a lucky kid to have them. 

Today was his last day of antibiotics!!! HALLELUJAH! they're going to do some cultures and test in the next couple of days to make sure the bug is out of his system and then its, adios to the gowns and masks and other isolation precautions. That was a long 6 weeks.

The nurses use this technique with the gowns, masks, and gloves to make more room in the trash cans, because when you are in and out of his room all the time the trash fills up real quick with all that stuff in it. So we would have races and time ourselves, when we take them off. Here's a little video! 

Up In the Gym

(How cute is that smile)

Britton has totally killed it the last couple of days. He does two a days in physical therapy, hahah, probably around 3 or 4 hours. He has been doing a lot of walking, rolling, sitting up, kneeling, balancing, and he even used the leg press today, OH, and he did 5 pushups (girl style but we don't judge) all by himself today, it was so awesome. He has been doing really good in speech therapy. With his trach, there is a little balloon that closes off his trachea and they have that inflated so in case he throws up, it wont go back down, preventing aspiration. They have slowly started to deflate the cuff, which is the little balloon inside his throat, and by doing that he is able to start making noises and faint sounds. His vocal chords haven't been used for about 3 months now so they arrant working like normal. When we ask him to say "ahhh" he opens up wide and you can hear this low raspy sound, that is him trying to say "ahhh" the therapists are really impressed with how well he has done so far!!

He has had his eye half opened all day today, and all day yesterday. If he hears someone talking, he will turn his head, lift it up, and peek at you with that eye to see what is going on. He has been so happy, laughing and smiling. He does this funny thing where he shrugs his shoulders and does this halfway frown thing, that looks like he's saying "i don't know", it makes me laugh.

I was wearing a braves shirt today, and he kept on pointing to it, so i quizzed him on which team it was, and he knew for certain it was the braves. It is so crazy how aware he is of his surroundings and what is going on. He never gets anything wrong, he is a smart boy. He is probably just thinking in that little brain of his, "What is wrong with you idiots...you act like I don't know anything." hahahahahah.

Okay, while it's fresh on my mind. I have to bring up my mother. She does this thing, when she is talking to people and explaining things that Britt does, she does these demonstrations, and i seriously cant even type this without laughing my head off. So she like closes her eyes, and leaves one half opened, and tries to make the faces he does, and moves her arms and legs around trying to show people what he does, and YOU HAVE TO SEE IT. IT IS HILARIOUS. I don't think she even realizes what she looks like doing it, i mean...clearly she doesn't or else she wouldn't be doing it at all. But, it is dang funny. I will try to sneak a video sometime. She says, and I quote.."stop laughing at me, (kicks me) you know I like visuals, and I want other people to visualize it too."

We played catch today, and yesterday, with Britt. They pulled out this bionic/transformer/asian looking contraption for his arm...it is supposed to help his grip and release. So of course we through a ball in there, and had him grab ahold of it to see if he'd play catch. He was a natural. Almost back to throwing 99 mph fastballs.

Another funny thing, when he was doing the leg press today, he started getting a little cocky and was showing off...it was like, up down up down up down up down, super fast, he was cruising, and he was just laughing and so were we. Maybe you had to be there.

Him and one of his favorite nurse have formed a band...it's called 'T-ROY, B-SHIPP and the Rollers"

Don't ask.

He has one more day left of his antibiotics!! BOOO YAAA GRANDMAAAA!

Hasta la vista ugly yellow gowns.

Today the physical therapist taught me how to lift Britt up by myself, to a stand, and how to sit him dow. Honestly, I never thought this day would come. Looking back 3 months ago, and now here we are, and I'm able to lift him up all by myself and move around with him. How cool that we have made it to this point.

Anyway, Britt has made some pretty great progress the last couple days. He has started to regain function of the left side of his body more and more, he can touch his face and his nose, and raise his right arm all the way up to the sky, his head control is getting so good, and his attitude is the best...always wanting to do more, go farther, etc. He is such a champ. He makes us so happy and so proud.

Day 80 and one Rolo Later

Here is a little video recap of today (it's a fun one):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbIRCyDaUdI&feature=youtu.be

Today Britt told me he wanted a Rolo. So what do i do? I give the kid a Rolo. My mom was furious. She told me I was grounded, and Britton just laughed. But it's just a little chocolate, I mean, come on. Me and Britt were having the best time, we were both laughing so hard, I was rubbing the Rolo on his tongue, tryin to get some chocolate on there for him to taste, and he had his mouth wide open, and his tongue stuck clear out. He practically grabbed my arm and directed it to his mouth, very forcefully by the way. Then he promised me he would keep it a secret and wouldn't tell the nurses. 

Britt did so good in physical therapy today. He did a lot of walking, and rolling, and sitting. He is seriously doing so well and making such great progress every day. We see more and more of his personality coming back each day too. It is the greatest thing in the world. You can't help but look at him and see the sweetest, softest, most inspiring spirit. I'm lucky I get to spend every day with that kind of person and feeling around us. It's days like these that I just cant help but smile so big. I feel so incredibly blessed, beyond measure.

Faith in his Timing

Lately, I feel like I've been questioning the timing of everything that has happened. Which I'm not proud of. There have been days when I just wonder why now. Why did this have to happen and take place, now. And not just with my brothers accident, but tons of little things that are personal to me in my life. I just have felt myself wanting to know why...now?

I dont think that it has been because I don't trust God's timing. Because I do. But it's still hard to accept, fully, that it was supposed to take place when it did. That everything takes place when it is supposed to. 

So, I've had some room to grow, reflect, learn, and gain testimony in that aspect. 

Trusting in God's timing.

Let's be real. There is and never will be, on our watch at least, a good time for a bad thing to happen. To anyone, anywhere, doing anything. Never. It will never be a good time. And I have realized that, and that God knows the best possible time, although that sounds crazy, for a bad thing to happen. Obviously, you could argue the whole "bad" part of it. Because really these challenges that we face throughout our lives aren't bad at all. They are required and necessary. We are sent here to earth, given bodies, and agency, to live our lives, choose how we do so, and take upon ourselves the challenges God sends our way. It's like a big giant test. Those "bad" things, trials, hardships, challenges, whatever you want to call them. They happen, to all of us, whether we like it or not, and they happen when they are supposed to. We face them, we endure them, we conquer them, and we continue to live our lives as closely to the saviors example as we can. We have a merciful, loving, caring, and compassionate Father, who wants nothing more than for us to succeed in this life, to live our lives according to the commandments and teachings/principals of the gospel, and return to him some day. He gives no burden that we cannot bare. He gives no challenge that we cannot overcome. He provides a way always, and he is the way. Part of that way, is trusting...in his timing. Trusting that his plan is better than mine. That his idea of the right time, is far better than mine. 

The last couple of days, when I have felt myself questioning that, and wondering how this could possibly be good timing, I just have to remember that he knows. And no one knows better, not even myself. I have found so much comfort in just trusting in that. Having faith in his will and his timing and trusting that whatever is supposed to be, will be. And as long as I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, being the best me I can be, everything will work out how it is supposed to. 

As long as I hold strong to the faith I have in my Father in Heaven and Savior Jesus Christ, as long as I continue to hope and believe in good things to come for my brother, as long as I continue to rely on the comfort of the spirit and the ever healing power of the atonement...my little brother, in his own time, and in God's time, will be okay. It will all be okay.

We had a family meeting today with the staff and the head doctor of the facility. And let me just say, we are so lucky to be in a place where there are so many loving, caring, and kind people who are so good at what they do, and who love my bother, always having his best interest. We talked about how he has been doing lately, checked out his charts and all of the test result. Everything is looking so great. Like incredibly good. There are no indications that the infection is still in his system, his antibiotics will end next week sometime! He is making phenomenal progress, and doing things that patients in a rancho scale 3 (that's how they rate level of consciousness, 4 is awake) don't do. Everyone is really pleased with how well he is doing and how well he is handling it. There will come a time, they think, and is very common with TBI patients, mostly when they reach a 4 and are awake, where they are very easily over stimulated to the smallest sounds, and sights. And get very agitated and frustrated easily. We haven't seen that with Britt yet. We have seen however, an emotional side of things. There are definitely times when he gets really emotional. He does the frown, and cries. And that is just because he is starting to realize his situation. He realizes he is immobile and he doesn't have control of his mind or body. I can only imagine what he is feeling, and it absolutely breaks my heart to know he has to deal with that type of pain. He is such a trooper though and puts on his best face. He works so hard in physical therapy and still manages to find the good in everything. Laughing and smiling at almost everything. It will be interesting to see that if Britt, with his sweet, soft spoken personality, if he will ever go through that tense, agitated, phase they talk about. 

As doctors and staff, and according to all of the evidence and research on TBI, studies show that Britt will probably never be the same Britt. That he will be different, maybe in more ways than one. They cant tell us if he will be able to walk again, talk again. If he will have the same personality, or tendencies that he did before the accident. It is most likely that he will not. And they were straight up with us and told us that, in his case, that is what they expect.

And obviously, we understand that. We understand the magnitude of what has happened to my brother and his injuries. We don't care. We are just thankful, oh so thankful, that he is even here. Physically, with us. We are thankful for every little tiny thing. And if he had to be in a wheelchair or helped with everything for the rest of his life, we would love him the same way we always have.

But I've said it before, and I'll say it again. My brother is different. And he has shown that thus far. He isn't typical, he isn't average, he isn't just another stat. I feel, so strongly, that my brother has been, and will continue to be the biggest miracle I or any of us have ever witnessed. I have big hopes and big dreams for that boy. And i would be doing him and injustice if I didn't expect him to overcome everything that is "probably" going to be. As his sister, and his friend, I have the responsibility to believe in his and his potential to the highest degree. Even if it's far fetched and unrealistic. Because the fact of the matter is, miracles aren't realistic but they happen. What is the point of being worried about hte future and what it might hold for him, being skeptical and deciding to accept that things may never be the same, that he may never be the same. I refuse. I refuse to believe that, if I did, I feel like I may as well give up on him completely. I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy, but that is how i prefer it. I prefer to look at it in the best possible light, I like to shoot for perfection and expect to make it there and then some. And if you fall short then you fall short, but at least you didn't sell yourself short in the beginning and never even give yourself or whatever it is your hoping for a chance. 

So here is to my little brother, who is going to be the same little brother, always...forever and ever, because he can and he will. 

Day 78

Will it surprise you if I say it was another great day for our boy?

Cause it was.

I just love him, more and more every day. I don't understand how it is possible for someone to be so unreal. So incredibly strong, enduring, sweet, and constantly glowing through something so difficult.

Today he spent the morning with my dad, and my dad has been working a lot with him on learning to use and do things with the left side of his body, especially his legs, arms and hands. And he is getting the hang of things, it is so fun to see him listen, and learn. My dad also taught him to touch his chin and nose. So this morning was a so fun!

When I got there, the boys from our ward came to give my dad the sacrament, and they talked to Britt for a little bit, and he was so excited to see them. 3 of his very best friends. He just laughed and smiled and carried on with them. I love seeing him so happy and excited about things. It just makes my heart smile.

We had a little moment together today where we just cried. Me and him. And it was okay, to just cry with each other for a few minutes. I told him that I'll always be here for him when he breaks down or needs to let it all out. And I think he knows that. I can only imagine how hard it is for him. So he needs to be able to feel comfortable doing that with someone, I know that it is impossible to be tough all the time. You can only go so long before you crack. I wanted to make sure that he knew that. I know he is a strong boy, and he doesn't want to seem weak, but it's human to cry, be sad, and feel frustrated and upset. Especially in his circumstances.

He slept most of the rest of the day. Like he usually does on sundays. I mean, don't we all? What is a sunday without a solid 3 hour nap and some football?!

Our family has been blessed beyond belief. Britton has come so far, and is making incredible progress, and the little miracles and tender mercies we see that are poured upon our family and Britt each day is ever so prevalent. The lords hand is so clear within it all. I cant help but feel so much gratitude and love towards my Savior and Father in heaven for helping him through the ups and downs, and making it possible for us to have yet another great day with him. Happy sunday everyone. Thank you for loving my brother and my family the way you have. Keep Believin!!

Here is a video from the Channel 2 News they did on Britt's recent progress:

http://www.kutv.com/news/features/top-stories/stories/Web-Exclusive-Extended-look-into-Santa-Clara-teen-39-s-recovery-69653.shtml#.VLxbTBZCdO2

All Smiles

Today was such a fun day with Britt. It started off bright and early when he got to have a nice bath/shower...he absolutely loves those. Just like he always has. Like I said, my parents' water bill has probably decreased by at least 95% thanks to Britt. haha. He didn't have any therapy today, so we just relaxed for awhile. Then one of his favorite nurses from the ICU came to visit, and he loved that. He even opened his eye for her!! About halfway for a few seconds just to get a good look at how cute she was! Then we got a visit from Sheri Harper, Bryce Harpers mom, who came to deliver an autographed jersey for Britt. I wish you all could've seen the smile on his face. He knew exactly what was going on and he was the happiest boy alive. If you know Britton well, you know he loves baseball and especially Bryce harper. He once got his autograph on a napkin (well i got it for him haha), and he put it up on his wall in his room surrounded by all these pictures and scriptures and quotes of Bryce. So he definitely looks up to him and thinks of him as a role model. For Britt to get that from him probably made his life, no joke. It sure seemed like it!! We loved seeing his reaction and how excited he was. He wanted to wear it the whole rest of the day! We got to go outside for awhile today, and listen to some of his favorite songs while we got some sunshine. You should see his reaction to some of the songs. He gets so excited. A big old grin, and he raises his arms and legs. Me and my mom just laugh our heads of and sing and dance with him.

Our boy is coming along. He is getting better with every passing day. And in time, this will all be behind him. Thank you for your prayers, your concern, and your constant love. We love you:) Britt loves you!

Clear Eyes, Full Heart, Can't Lose

My heart is extra full today.

Everyday I learn something new, or gain a new perspective on something.

Today I was reminded of just how amazing and incredible my little brother is. And it's not that I have ever forgotten that, but sometimes I feel my mind wonders and through the everyday motions and process it kind of gets pushed to the back of my mind. I had a lot of time toady to spend with Britt, just he and I. Those seem to be my favorite times with him. I cant even begin to explain to you how awesome it has been lately, to have actual conversations with him. Where I'm not the only one participating. We talk about things, and have good long heart to hearts. Just like the old days. I tell him about boys, he laughs and shakes his head. I talk to him about his friends and what they are up to, tell him about whats going on at school and at home. He totally participates in the conversations with me. It is so fun. Today I was talking with him and I could tell something was wrong. He just seemed uncomfortable. So I started asking questions...Is something hurting? no. Do you want to get back in bed? no. Do you want to listen to music or read? no. Do you want me to shut up already? no. So i was looking around trying o figure it out, and I could tell he had gone to the bathroom. I asked him, he said yes. So I asked, should I go get someone to clean you up? And he shook his head no. I said why not. He kind of shrugged his shoulders. And started doing this frown that just broke my heart. I asked him if he was embarassed. And he shook his head and started crying.

That's when I was like, woah. It just kind of hit me.

My little brother is completely aware of what is going on around him. Although it may not look like it or seem like it at times, as crazy as it seems for him to be able to understand and hear all that it going on, he does. He knows, he gets it, and he is a typical 16 year old boy. I would be embarassed too. Poor kid. So I let him cry for a little bit, I held his hand, and rubbed his head. I told him it was okay, and when he was done being sad I would talk to him about it. So we talked about it, and after I think he felt a little better about the idea. But wow. It just made me realize that he is aware, and has feelings. I cant even imagine what he is feeling, especially emotionally. Not being able to physically do things himself. That has to be so hard to handle.

It's weird cause I am seeing so much more of my little brother every day. He's in there...but still has no control of his body or it's functions. It's a hard thing to wrap my head around. It still feels like he is just sleeping, taking a nap, and he is going to wake up just fine and dandy. It scares me to think of the future, I will be honest. It really really scares me. But I know that we just have to trust. Trust in heavenly fathers plan. I try not to think of all the things that could be wrong, or different...I mean what is the point? What's the point of being skeptical or negative about what the future might hold, when you have no control over it or know what it might possibly be. All I can do is think positively, think that not a single thing is going to be wrong with him or different. He's Britton Shipp, a stripling warrior in my eyes, he is capable of anything, and can do anything he puts his mind to. And I know it's out of my control, and his. But I truly feel that the lord provides a way for everything. So if it supposed to be that way it will. And until then, IT'S ALL GOOD.

Britt wanted to draw/write today, so we whipped out a piece of paper and a pen, and he did some real good scribbles and stuff. It was fun to watch him!

I'm so impressed with his attitude. I cant even imagine what is going on in that head of his, but for him to be able to smile and laugh with us is amazing.

As far as the bacteria goes, he has about a week left of antibiotics and then it hasta la vista babayyyyyyy to these sweat suits...literal swear suits, we wear. He kicked that bug in the butt.

I feel like i've always been a pretty loving person. And have understood it. My mom and dad have always made it a huge point in our house to make that known. To tell each other we love each other every day, every night. Every time we leave the house, or go somewhere. Every time we hang up the phone. So i know what love is. They've taught me well, and have shown me firsthand.

But my little brother has taught me a whole new meaning to the word. I really cannot even explain it in words. All I can say is that it's really powerful and strong. I hope and pray he knows how much he means to me, and how much I love him.

Watching him each day, through the ups and the downs, seeing the progress he is making, little by little, I am reminded of God's love for all of his children. All of the tender mercies, blessings and miracles that have been granted my brother through the power of the Lord, is so incredible to me. I am so thankful. Im thankful that I have felt His spirit and love through out my entire life, but especially throughout the past few months. I'm thankful that I have a relationship with Him, and that I have a testimony of the his teachings and principals. I'm thankful for the grace He has shown my family. I know God lives, and I know His love is real and perfect. I know He hears and answers our prayers. I know that He always provides a way to overcome challenges and trial in our lives, and that way is through Him.

Britton is incredible. He's the closest thing to heaven, and I see it in him and round about him everyday.

Day 75

I think it's day 75...who even really knows anymore.

Today was yet another great day for Britt. He did well in all of his physical therapy and was pretty active for most of the day. We mostly just sit and bug him now and try to get him to do things for us. He probably gets so annoyed with us. The doctor has told us though it is very important for him to get just as much if not more, down time and rest, as he gets stimulation and therapy. So we have to be careful. Today me and him were watching his favorite youtube videos and he was just laughing and smiling away, it was the cutest thing ever. I was also talking to him just a little bit ago, saying the usual things, how much i love him and how proud i was of him, and if he ever needed anything that im right here. All of a sudden, he starts doing this frown thing, it was so sad, like a definite frown, and he just looked so sad, and I asked if he was okay and he said no, and I asked if something was hurting, he said no, then he started to do the cry thing, and I asked him if he was just sad, and he said yes. Poor guy. I don't blame him. Thank you thank you for your continued prayers and concern for Britt. He knows he's got an army behind him! Britt still continues to get visitors from the team of first responders that got to him on Pine valley mountain the day it happened. Today one of them from the pine valley fire department came to visit and check on him. It means so much to us that they care so much, about our britt. That it happened so long ago, yet they still are so concerned. We are forever grateful and indebted to those who were there with Britton on the mountain that day. If it weren't for each and every one of them, who played a specific role in saving his life, we wouldn't have him here today. It's crazy to hear their stories and accounts of what happened that day, how they didn't even think he would make it off the mountain. But here we are 75 days later:)

Heres a video of today!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kf5I_6LFfZE

Quirky lil Thang

Today I watched my little brother laugh and smile.

That made me the happiest sister in the whole entire world.

My dad was talking about he was going to get him a new light bar for his truck and they could customize it and he could take it out in the hills to make out with all his chicks, and he just lifted his head back and gave us the biggest smile, you could tell he was trying to laugh. It was thee cutest thing ever.

I love seeing him smile. To know that, even though he has been through the worst of the possible worsts. He can still smile, and be the happy Britt I have always known. Last night I was reading facebook messages, and I had gotten one from his freshman baseball coach, he said this:

"In the few months I spent everyday with Britton (or chocolate-shipp) he stood out because he was always smiling and happy. He smiled like he knew something he wasn't supposed to know. In fact I only remember 2 times he wasn't smiling, one time was at practice and he had the flu or something. The other was the last game of the season at dhhs. Brit got picked off first and got in a run down. Eventually he was tagged out at first and ran through the pitcher who was standing in the baseline. The idiot umpire tossed him out of the game. Brit was so distraught, not for being thrown out but because he felt like he let his team down."

I loved that.

So today, Britt's physical therapist introduced him to this new contraption, kind of like a steering wheel, and it helps him learn to grip. She turned the fan on so it was blowing in his face, and they pretended to start driving. She was like, alright Britt, you're driving the cooker, we got the windows down, wind blowing in your hair, your girl on your side, and a little bit of florida-georgia florida line on the radio. We are loving life. And he just turn his head and gives this smug grin, and everyone started dying laughing, he was kind of shaking his head like "yeah, that's right baby...i'm the man."

I LOVE THIS KID.

I love that his quirkiness and personality is coming back. It is the greatest thing in the world.

Another thing. So they were working on getting him to kick and lift his left leg over his body (helps him roll over), and he was just in a lot of pain, kind of doing that crying thing he does. And his therapist was like Britt, 16 year old boys don't cry...do they? And he started shaking his head, no. And then he said, alright Britt, a couple more...so he did a couple more, and then the therapist said okay how many more Britt. He holds up the number one, clear as day. It was hilarious.

Anything is Possible

Good evening folks! Ya know, i keep thinking that someday i'm going to run out of things to talk about. BUT NOT TODAY.

So I just got home from salt lake, where i've been for the past 3 days...and let me just tell you, I was like pedal to the metal all the way home because i've missed Britt and my family so much. When i walked into his hospital room i think my smile was so big that it probably looked a little creepy. My heart was so happy to see my sweet boy. I walked in and he was chilling like a villain in his basketball shorts and t shirt with his hair combed looking so handsome. My dad immediately insisted on showing me all the new tricks Britt had learned while i was gone. hahah tricks, like a little dog or something. So they showed me. He has now mastered the i love you sign, he can lift his head up all by himself, he can pucker his lips and do a kiss face, he can hold up a number one, and bend his knees on command, and he has started to nod "yes". It was so fun to see all the new things he had learned in  just 3 short days. What a stud right? Is it sad that i was hoping and praying that he wouldn't wake up while i was gone, haha, I just didn't want to miss anything of that magnitude. But now i give you full permission to do whatever the heck you want Britt. theres just something about being here with him. It feels just peaceful and right. On my way home, i was thinking about the last time I had been making that drive. It was November 1. 2014. As I drove all the feelings from the day fled back to me. It was all kind of a blur. Driving back to St. George, not knowing if my brother would live or not long enough for me to see him one last time. When we were driving that day, my coach and i were left speechless at the sunset that night. I remember I was feeling so scared, and she was just talking away trying to distract me from thinking about it all. We watched the sunset and talked about how beautiful it was. I just remember feeling so at peace after that. Watching the sunset and thinking to myself. The man upstairs has got this under control, and it is going to be just fine. I watched the sunset tonight as I drove, and thought the same thing. But there was so much love and gratitude in my heart. Because it has been about 73 days and my brother is still here. The lord has blessed me and my family, and my brother beyond extent. I remember those first few weeks, going to bed every night not knowing if there would be a next morning with our boy. It was the absolute worst thing in the world. It made it nearly impossible to sleep. Now we go to bed, and wake up with smiles on our faces because it is another day, the sun came up, and Britt has the opportunity to move forward. There will be no more backwards, I believe that to be true. unless some dang bacteria and bug decide to hit again. I think it will be all uphill from here. That boy is on a mission and getting better every single day. I am absolutely blown away by the progress he has made this past week. It's like he just shot up out of nowhere. My Britt is back, he is in there. I feel like for awhile, he was somewhere else. Somewhere really really good, and peaceful and perfect. With 2 perfect beings, and probably many more. I believe he was in their care for awhile, and being taught some pretty cool things while being there. I think he is back though. Does that sound weird? I don't really know how to put it into words the right way. But I feel like my little brother, is back in his own body, because he is now able to tolerate the pain and everything that should come his way from here on out. That is a good feeling. That means he is even closer to waking up.

Tonight, my mom had a breakdown moment. Those happen sometimes. Not as much as they used to, but every once in awhile. She was feeling a little bit broken and hurt for my little brother. I think one of his coaches visited today, and it had to do with football. Something about how he was going to be a great safety and corner, and how he had finally gained the confidence that he was good enough and fast enough to do well in those positions.

I just had to say, mom. If Britton wants to play safety and corner...he will.

I really do believe that it is possible. Anything is. Especially with Britt.

So this is kind of a funny experience, and I don't know how relevant it is but I thought it had some significance. A couple nights ago I was driving around with a friend, and it had been so ridiculously foggy, I literally couldn't see 1 foot in front, in back, or to the sides of me. But i just kept on driving hahaha, which i probably shouldn't have because i could've hit a car, ran over a child, driven off a cliff, who knows. Let's just say our lives were endangered that night. Anyway. My friend made a comment about how its like faith, we don't know where we are going, but we just keep going. So we related it to the lord, and how we have to trust in him, and even though we can't see what is ahead or to the side of us, we have to keep moving forward and know that it will all be okay in the end.

Here is a video of the cutest little boy, who has never met Britt, but loves him as much as the rest of us. Anything is possible...he says it best.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9PAk2mRMng&feature=youtu.be

You are all amazing. Thank you for being so sweet, always. I can't believe how many messages, emails, phone calls i receive every day from you expressing your love, support, and belief in our Britt.

Family Over Errythang

Hey it's just me, Britton's favorite sister, again. The last couple of days I have been up in salt lake squaring away some things with school, softball, and my house.

Today has been a tough day.

A lot of people have been asking and wondering what I am going to do about school and softball so i figured I'd tell the story.

About 3 weeks or so ago, I had to start thinking about what I was going to do about going back to school and playing. But it was something that i didn't want to think about, talk about, hear about, nothing. I didn't want to address it because i didn't want to have to make a decision.

I didn't want to have to decide between two of the things that i love most. So i just put it off for awhile longer. People would ask and I would just say I don't know. Obviously I had been being very prayerful about it for a long time, but I wasn't seeming to get an answer. It was so frustrating, and stressful. I couldn't sleep for weeks, just because my mind was going a billion miles per hour thinking about all the possible pros and cons, all the possible scenarios, I asked all my friends and family what they would do if they were me, and in my position. I contemplated over and over again...everything. It got to the point where I couldn't even talk about it or I would just cry. And it wasn't just weighing on me, it was weighing on my parents too. They didn't want me to have to sacrifice the opportunities I'd gained by working my entire life to get. I could tell it was killing them too. If I went back, I wouldn't ever be able to come home, because we would be either on the road playing, or have games at home. How could I be away from Britt for 4 months? I couldn't. And I couldn't help but think that my mind and my heart would be back at home with my family and brother. How am I supposed to perform the way I want to on the field and in school if I'm not all there. And I'm not the type to do something if I can't give it 110%.

So, as I continued to pray and think about what I should do...I decided to lean towards staying home, foregoing my softball scholarship and school for the semester. I prayed about that, a lot. Wanting to know if it was the right choice.

Let me just say this. The lord hears our prayers. He hears them loud and clear, and he answers them.

My answer came in the strangest way. It's not necessarily by how it comes, but through the feeling you receive. I was just catching up on reading Facebook messages, and replying to all of the sweet words so many have to offer, when I started reading one in particular. As I read it, the words were everything I needed to hear and everything I was looking for. The spirit hit me like a ton of bricks and I knew that I had made the right decision. I had this burning feeling inside almost, and I couldn't deny that the spirit was confirming that for me. I just started bawling. Like uncontrollable tears.

I had been putting off calling my coach until the last minute. It was a conversation I was trying to avoid like the plague. I didn't want to have it. After talking to her, it felt like this huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I cant explain it. Everything had been so hard/frustrating/stressful/unclear seconds before, and now it was all okay. I just felt peaceful about it for the first time. I am incredibly blessed with the greatest coaches and teammates in the world. They have supported me and been there for me the entire time. I could never thank them enough for how they have helped me. And that is what made it so hard. They are my family too. Every single one of them. Not just teammates, but my fam. It was the worst thing in the world have to choose between my two families, and something I've worked so hard for my entire life, my dream ever since I was little, one thing that has helped shape who I am as a person today.

I've never not been playing a sport, so i questioned what it would be like to no longer be an athlete. I guess just because they have played such a huge role in my life. It's kind of who I am in a way. A lot of who I am, what I believe and what I stand for I learned on a field or on a court. So how could I just all of a sudden be done. It was something that was really hard for me to wrap my head around. Not getting up every morning at the crack of dawn to go lift and run, no more getting home late after a 14 inning game and having to get up and do it all again, no more 4 hour practices, or missing the majority of class because we are on the road playing, no more tears cause i went 0/4, and no more fist pumps on second cause i went 3/4 with a double down the 3rd base line, no more high fives and chest bumps after scoring a crucial run, no more crying and laughing with the team and girls that I love, doing what we love. I would ask myself, how was I supposed to go about my life without that? I think it was so hard because it's really all i've ever known. That's what i've done for about 20 years now it seems like. So it's just a big part of my life. To let go of it, was really difficult.

Here's the thing though. If we are talking about the big picture here, family is at he top of the priority list. Once hundred percent of the time. No exceptions. I think everyone would agree.

Nothing is more important to me than my family, and my faith. And I would be and am willing to give up whatever I need to for any of them. I think about it, and as hard as it is for me to give up softball, it is such a small sacrifice, to be here with my brother, every step of the way, through the hardest time of his life. And all of ours. There is no where else I want to be. And that is what it comes down to. I want to be with him, by his bed, holding his hand, giving him pep talks, telling him i love him and I am proud of him for as long as it takes to get him back. I wanna be there when he wakes up. I wanna be there when he learns to talk and walk again. I wanna be there to cheer him on when he feels like giving up. I wanna be there for him when he needs to cry and let it all out. I'm his sister, and I'm gonna be there for my brother. Because I know he would do the same for me. No way could I choose ANYTHING over that.

This is really personal but I'm going to tell you anyway. One night when it was just me and Britt, I was talking to him about what he thought I should do. I got the most overwhelming feeling that when Britt was up there in heaven, and decided to take this challenge, he said Aut, I can't do this without you...so I said, alright, lets do this.

And here we are. It was hard telling my team today about my decision. But I'm happy with it and I know it was the right one. I know that I will never regret it. Because how could I regret staying next to the strongest, most inspiring and special young boy who I so luckily get to call my little brother, as he takes on the road he has ahead of him.

I dont even know if any of this makes sense, so bare with me if it doesn't.

Family over errythanggggg

I love you Britt. Let's do this.

Tender Mercies

Tender Mercies

Autumn had to head up to SLC for a couple days so you got me for the blogger tonight.

Britton has had a excellent week. This is Day 71 and today turned out just as great as Days 66-70. This morning started out about like the rest of our mornings. I wake up, look over at Britt from my cott in the corner and say "What's up Britt, you ready for another great day?" he will either just lay there or he'll give me a thumbs up! When he gives me the thumbs up I feel bad and wonder how long he's been waiting on me to get up and get going? Never the less I hop up and get things rolling. I tell him what day it is, what time it is and how it looks outside for weather. I let him know he has school in about a half hour and he better get showered & out the door so he's not late? Then I put a little deodorant and some Axe spray on him to make him feel like he's ready for the day. When all that is taken care of I start asking him to Give Me a Thumbs Up, Stick Your Tongue Out, Move Your Right Foot, Wiggle Your Toes, Squeeze My Hand, Lift Your Head Up Off Your Pillow, Shake Your Head NO, ect, ect all the regular things we have been working on! Today I ask him a question that he would usually answer yes to by a Big Thumbs Up and he gave me a Head Nod for YES instead! I just love when he makes another big move like that on his own!
Today I sat him up in the chair position and ask him if he wanted to ditch the hospital issue "Dolce & Gabbana" tie it up in the back gown? He nodded yes and I put on his "Unitting4britton" #region9 safety yellow shirt on with his favorite Under Armour sweats. It all looked great, but just wasn't quite complete without his Atlanta Braves Grey Flatty! now he's looking good and comfy for Sunday of rest. When he has these kind of clothes on, it makes the nurses jobs a lot tougher to work on him and such. But whats cool about this place is that they love seeing Britt in his own clothes as much as we do. They love him and love seeing who he is......

Speaking of this place! I just have one big word for Dr. Rusty Moore and his Staff here......AWESOME! These peeps here are flat out amazing at Recovery & Rehabilitation. There is no doubt it was hard to leave "The family" we had formed at the ICU, But when Dr. Moore told us that we would love his staff and facility just as much when we got over here. He was right! When all the Dr's, nurses & staff at the ICU told us it was time to 'Graduate" to here, we didn't want to go because of the Love we had been shown over there by so many professionals. We knew we had to take the next step for Britton, but it was still hard to leave. We have formed so many more great relationships here and the level of professionalism is second to none! The greatest thing about both campus, is that they LOVE Britt like he's their own. We couldn't be more thankful for all the great people at DRMC that have worked on Britt, or that still are working with him. THANK YOU ALL!