https://vimeo.com/150125641
It's been a minute. (and I wrote this on Christmas, and am now just getting around to posting it, so let's just still pretend its the 25th) Merry Christmas everyone! What a perfect day. Christmas is always so special, and obviously always the favorite (next to April Fools day if you ask me or Britton haha), no, but really, today was special. One for the books.
I have been reflecting back on last Christmas season and the overwhelming amount of love and support we received. I'll never forget all the kind and selfless acts of service that our family was shown. I just want to say thank you again, we could never express how truly grateful we are.
What a difference a year can make, right? Last year during christmas, our Britt was still fast asleep in a coma at the hospital. It was easily one of the harder days. I got a polaroid camera from my grandma, and i remember asking my mom to take a picture of me, and my other two brothers by the tree. We waited for the picture to develop. I looked at it for a second and walked over to the trash to throw it away. I couldn't help but feel really sad, and a little bit upset that our 4th man wasn't in the picture with us, right where he should've been like all 16 years before. It might have been silly of me to do, but I didn't want the picture, because I didn't want to remember a christmas without Britt. Not if he was still with us.
We didn't want to open any of our presents, because it just wasn't the same. Even though he was the only one missing, it felt like the entire house was empty. We all opened a few, and then sat around the living room for a little bit in silence. I can remember my mom and dad trying to be tough for us, trying to be cheerful and happy, but it was pretty clear that we were all hurting. I'll never forget how we all just held each other close and cried. My dad gave a prayer, that i'll always remember, because the spirit was so strong. Instantly there was a calmness and relief that we all felt very near to our hearts .
I've always thought I understood the meaning behind it all, Christmas and the birth of our Savior. But I realized, in that moment, that I never fully had until then. The presents didn't matter. The decorations, weren't important. The ham in the oven, and the fancy silverware and plates at the table. None of it mattered. It's all nice, sure...but none of it matters if you cant share it with the people you love. None of it's important if you don't know the meaning behind why you are actually doing it. Jesus Christ, our Savior, our Redeemer, our Shepherd, our Strength. He was sent to earth by the Father, to lead and guide us through His perfect example and His teachings. He was and is the light and life of the world. I can't imagine what it might have been like to witness the birth of Christ. How incredible it must have been, to have been there on that holy night. Because of his birth, and his life-his sacrifice and his atonement for all mankind, we can be healed, strengthened, comforted, and so much more. All of which my family and I have seen and felt firsthand the last year or so. I remember the bittersweet feeling of last christmas, feeling of the Saviors love for us, and for my brother. Knowing that he was in the best of hands. Grateful that we had each other, and that Britt still had a chance. In a time where I felt as if this burden might be too hard to bare-came an overwhelming sense of peace and love from the Savior. I couldn't help but feel so thankful that day, that we had the opportunity to race over to the hospital to be with my brother on Christmas day, even if it wasn't quite like the other years. We kept basically all of the presents under the tree, the Christmas lights up on the house, and the decorated tree lit for almost 5 months. Nothing was coming down until Britt got home and was able to see it. I still laugh sometimes when I think about how we had Christmas lights on our house until like...May haha. You couldn't miss us, thats for sure.
Last night, once everyone was supposedly "asleep", I was helping my mom wrap all of the presents in my room, and we had a few out for Britt that we were about to start on. My dad was calling us so we went to go see what he needed...then all of a sudden we hear someone coming down the hallway and my parents started freaking out cause they didn't want to blow their cover...we got back into my room where all the presents were to find Britton sitting there on my bed with this confused look on his face. Maybe you just had to be there, but it was freakin hilarious...the kid had come all the way up the stairs and tried sneaking into my room cause he wanted to sleep with me. So me and my mom scrambled to hide his stuff while trying to chauffeur him out. There is a running joke in our family that he comes in like a bulldozer wherever he is, or a wrecking ball...take your pick. It's like, you better hope you don't have anything valuable or breakable lying around because if its in his path, it will be destroyed.
Let's just say when it came to the present count..........he was one spoiled rotten kid. I was joking with him today, and telling him how he was the favorite child cause he got so much stuff, and he just said "hey, someone's gotta make up for last year."
He was also the first one up this morning....5:30am in the bathroom brushing his teeth ready to get the show on the road. But that is pretty typical these days, up at the crack of dawn...everyday.
It was just one of those days that I'll always cherish. My heart has been so full of gratitude towards Heavenly Father and his son, for hearing and answering our millions of prayers and for the countless miracles and blessings that we have received. I couldn't ask for a better gift, than having my 3 boys and my mom and dad all together, cozy in our home this Christmas. It's crazy to think that a year ago today I was on my knees in my room praying with everything in me that by this time next year things would be better. And here we are, so extremely lucky and so blessed.
He got to help out Cooper Camp with his hot chocolate stand this year. If you remember, last year...Copper donated all the money he earned to Britt for his medical bills. It meant so much to us. Each year Cooper does a christmas service project and donates all the money he makes from his yummy hot chocolate stand to the project/person. He is such a little stud, and has the greatest family around. Next year you need to go check out their Hot Cocoa stand if you haven't before. It's really yummy, and goes to a great cause!
You guys wouldn't believe how well Britt is doing. Physically he has come such a long way. His walking is improving everyday, he hardly needs anyone to help him at all. He goes up and down the stairs by himself, showers by himself, gets dressed and brushed his teeth...all by himself. He still has a hard time with his vision, the nerves in his eyelids are still damaged so he cant see very well, but he makes do with what he's got. He still doesn't have a lot of feeling with his mouth, so eating can be a struggle but it seems like it is slowly getting a little bit better. He is going to be getting surgery on his nose soon, to align it, in hopes that it will help his breathing. He still goes to therapy a few times a week, and works on his speech too! He is adding another class this next quarter in school. The next school dance is Junior Prom, and he is going with Aspen Hickman, which he is pumped about, obviously. My dad still takes him driving a few times a week, and he just keeps getting better and better at it. Or maybe just more confident, sometimes a little too confident, so you might wanna steer clear of the 4-runner if you see it hahah. Don't say I didnt warn ya.
He still has his hard days. Lots of them. I'm usually up at school, so I don't see a lot of what goes on. But just being home for the break I've gotten a good taste of it. He's still a teenage boy, who wants to be able to do teenage boy things. He gets really discouraged sometimes, and down about it all. Wishing he had his old life back, and that is something we all wish, so it's hard to explain to him that it wont ever be that same way again. I have a really hard time knowing how to help him in these situations, because it's not like I can say I understand how he is feeling, or know what he is going through. When he goes through these frustration moods, it can be pretty hard on all of us. Not knowing how to handle it, or how to comfort him, what to say or what to do to make it better, or help him understand. This has definitely been the hardest thing to deal with since we've been home. Constantly trying to keep his spirits up and keep him motivated and believing in himself. I cant imagine how often he must want to give up, but I'm so proud of him for continuing to work at things, whether it be his attitude/mentality, or his physical strength/abilities. Whenever i struggle for words I'm always quickly reminded that through Christ, and ONLY through christ, can we endure the trails and challenges we are faced with in life. I know that he relies heavily on his Father in heaven, and on his son Jesus Christ. I don't think he would be able to get through the days with that big grin on his face if he didn't. Im constantly trying to stress to him the importance of those relationships. I have been thinking of ways I can help him recently and I came across this talk from the October 2015 General Conference, it's called "Strengthened by the Atonement of Jesus Christ" by Elder Dallin H. Oaks. One of my favorite parts read:
"Our Savior experienced and suffered the fulness of all mortal challenges “according to the flesh” so He could know “according to the flesh” how to “succor [which means to give relief or aid to] his people according to their infirmities.” He therefore knows our struggles, our heartaches, our temptations, and our suffering, for He willingly experienced them all as an essential part of His Atonement. And because of this, His Atonement empowers Him to succor us—to give us the strength to bear it all."
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/10/strengthened-by-the-atonement-of-jesus-christ?lang=eng
It is such a great talk and explanation of all the many ways we can apply the atonement to our lives. Especially for Britt, when he feels like no one could possibly understand what he is going through...Jesus Christ does. But it applies to a lot of the challenges and problems we face day to day, big or small. The atonement of Christ is all encompassing.
The other day we got to go visit the hospital and all of Britt's nurses/doctors/therapists. It was really such a cool day. Especially at the ICU, a lot of the nurses who took care of him those first couple of months, only knew him at his absolute worst. So for them to see him now, happy and walking, talking, dropping down and giving them 20 pushups...was very touching. It was crazy being back in there, and seeing the room where we spent so many sleepless nights and long scary days. When I was walking through the waiting room, all the memories just came flooding back. Seeing some of the people in there, with the look of grief and defeat on their faces, broke my heart. I know how it feels to be sitting in there. It's not a good feeling. Lot's of nights were spent on those makeshift couches, hoping that there would be a next morning. So many hours spent, talking and hugging and crying with all of the family friends, and visitors who were constantly filling the room. Me and my mom would take our lunch break everyday out there, when someone would offer to bring us food. And we would scarf it all down so we could get back in the room with Britt. And then walking through the doors and seeing all of the faces who had been there through it all for us, who had stayed up late into the night to keep us company, or offer us reassurance when we were awaiting important news. Those guys were our family for sure, and they still are...always will be. As I walked past the room where my brother stayed I quickly remembered the incredible spirit that was within those walls. I remember how we would walk in and it would hit you like ton of bricks. You couldn't deny it, no one could. It was weird seeing the walls so bare, when every inch used to be covered with pictures, posters, cards, jerseys, etc. Everyone who worked with Britt couldn't wait for the day that he'd be able to walk through the door and see them all again. There were a lot of times when I thought that day might never come, but here we are. Once again, so incredible blessed. He was even taking laps around the hallways, and showing them all of his new tricks. We also got to stop by the rehab where we spent about 4-5 months. The ICU was only stuck with us for two, so the rehab got the bad end of the stick hahaha. But oh how I missed all of them so much. Britton just lit up when he saw his favorite nurses and therapists. It was weird being back in there, cause like I said...it was just a place where so much of who we are now came from. So many failures and so many success. A lot of tears, and a lot of smiles. So much of my heart, is there in that place, and the ICU...with all of the amazing people who helped save his life and get him to where he is today.
On christmas eve, Britt's neurosurgeons and their families came and surprised us with some christmas carols. It was so awesome, they are just incredible people. I mean what doctors do you know, that do that? I could never say enough about them, or how much we love them. Britt was so excited to see them, and it was so fun to meet their families. They are amazing doctors, the best actually, but even better people....and I don't know how we got so lucky to have them with us throughout this journey of ours.
He also got to resume his roll as the lead wise man in our family Christmas eve nativity. Absolutely nailed his performance;) My aunt said something about how she felt like she was in a food coma after eating dinner and Britton said..."Hey, that was me last year."
OH. Here is a little 30 second take on our version of Feliz Navidad.
OH. Here is a little 30 second take on our version of Feliz Navidad.
XOXO, Autumn
