Hold Tight

Another week has gone by! Isn't it crazy how fast time flies, the concept of time is so crazy to me. Can you believe it has been almost 9 months since Britton's accident. That is so weird to me. It feels like it has gone by so fast, but i look back on those first days and feel like they were a lifetime away. I look at where my brother stands this very day, and i can't help but feel overcome with all sorts of feelings and emotions. He has come so far, and exceeded so many expectations.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Just about this whole journey. All of it. The ups the downs, the good and the bad. The past and the present. Where we were and where we are. And still to this day, i wish i could wake up and it would have all just been a bad dream. I would do anything to trade him places. It still doesn't feel real. I don't know if the reality of it all will ever sink in, fully. Maybe I'm just not letting it, maybe i don't want to accept it. I don't really know. Maybe i still don't want to believe it, or maybe I'm just not ready to. I feel like i understand it though, i do. I understand why it has happened, and that there is great purpose and reason behind it. Some of which has been made known to us already, and some that still hasn't quite unfolded. 

This week, the week of the 24th, has lots of significance. Last year this time we were up in Heber at a baseball tournament for my littlest brother Ledger! I took this picture with britt one night after a game, we had been throwing the football around on an empty field. He was teaching me some plays and Quarter Back techniques hahah you can imagine how that was going. I just remember laughing with him, and cracking Uncle Rico jokes from Napolean Dynamite. For the first time he actually wanted to and agreed to taking a picture with me (usually i had to pay him or make his bed for a week or something) This ended up being one of my favorite pictures ever. I couldn't believe how grown up he was getting. 16 years old, finally maturing. He had grown so much and just become so handsome. So funny, athletic and smart. And such a good boy, with a strong sense of who he was and where he was going in life. I love these pictures of him. I clung so tight to these photos during those rock bottom days and long terrifying nights in the hospital. Looking at them helped me to remember that the boy in the picture was full of life, laughter, dumb jokes, a crooked smile, a dang good head of hair, a strong testimony and a good heart. It reminded me that he wasn't going to be the boy in the hospital bed, with bloody bandages covering his head, tubes down his throat and nose, machines hooked up to his heart, and wires running in and out of him wherever there was room. He wasn't going to be that forever. I clung tight to this picture, praying with everything in me that i would get my britt back someday.

Today i woke up to my brother crawling in my room, on his way to get in bed with me. I saw him, and just layed there, pretending i was asleep. I watched him, crawling as quietly as he could to sneak up on me. He stumbled, and fell over a few times. But he kept getting back up with this grin on his face. Like he was so funny or something. I laughed to myself, a little bit inside, but felt tears roll down my face. I wiped them away and jumped out of bed, and helped him up. I layed with my head on his chest and just  held him tight. As tight as i could. In that moment i was so happy. Happy to have him. But my heart also ached. He is a 17 year old boy. And it is so incredibly hard not to constantly be thinking or reminded of how he was before. I try to write this without sounding ungrateful because trust me, I am far from it. I feel so blessed everyday for this sweet boy. And all that he is. But as his older sister, my heart hurts. I wish so badly he could just run or even walk into my room in the mornings, and jump in my bed next to me, stealing all the covers and falling right back asleep like old times. I wish i didn't have to watch him crawl and stumble. We were laying there and he rubbed his eye on accident, the one with the stitches. He instantly realized what he did and was worried he rubbed one of the stitches out. He was so worried, and i could tell he was getting really frustrated. I wish he didn't have to be so careful. I wish he could just see. See the world like he used to. His right eye always seems to be looking straight ahead (when it is open), I'm not sure if he even gets much use out of it. And the other one, well he sees what he can out of the little slit. Somedays i really miss his eyes. They're so green and pretty. That probably sounds silly, but you miss those little things every once in awhile. Lately I have been missing his laugh. The one i remember. He laughs all the time, and it is the funniest/cutest thing ever, don't get me wrong. But it isn't the same, you know? I love hearing his laugh. But i keep having these, flashbacks, of before. Just random things, experiences, instances where i can picture and remember it so perfectly. And then i see his face. And his smile, and everything. Those flashbacks really get me sometimes. And it is so hard not to miss it and want it back. I try not to think about it. I try to not let it get to me, but sometimes i can't just not let those memories flood in. It sure is crazy how fast things can change, isn't it? I don't want to sound like I'm taking things for granite. I don't want to sound like I'm writing like I've lost him. I'm just telling you how i feel. What i am feeling this exact second, as thoughts and memories, words, emotions and tears take over. This is sort of an escape for me i guess. I have a hard time expressing my feelings, but i feel like writing is a gateway for me. Im just being real. I miss before. I miss it like crazy. I miss him being britt. But that is okay. It is okay for me to miss it. And i probably always will. I guess the hardest thing for me, is thinking about his future. I want it all for him. I want him to have everything he ever wanted and hoped for in life. I hope so badly some day he can find the girl of his dreams, and that she loves him the way he should be loved. I hope that he has a family, with a bunch of little britty's running around, and that ill be the best aunt they ever had. I hope he can teach them how to throw a baseball, shoot a buck, ride a 4-wheeler, and bait a hook. I hope he gets that. I want that so badly for him. It's hard not to think about before, and the man he was becoming. So handsome. So successful. He still is. But i worry, you know? It scares me to death. I know things have changed for him. A lot has changed, things are different. It breaks my heart, that part of it. So i pray that he will still get all of that someday. Because he deserves it. I really just want him to be happy. And i want his future to be what he always pictured it. We had a long, deep conversation the other night. Someone has to sleep with him every night just in case, and obviously (by popular demand) he chooses me. Sometimes we are so tired and go straight to bed, but other nights we stay up talking for hours. I think nights are easily the hardest for Britt. He has too much time to think. But I know that he has to let those emotions be felt. He has to let the tears out every once in awhile, and he has to be able to vent. The other 98% of the time he can be tough. So that's where I come in. Britt and I have a special relationship. He knows he can open up to me about anything, he doesn't have to be scared about what I'll say or think. If I'll be mad at him, or worried. He trusts me with things I don't think he feels comfortable telling anyone else. I'm not going to sugar coat anything though. Britton has this incredible perspective. And somehow through all of this he has managed to keep a smile and be his light hearted self. Full of courage and resilience, faith and drive. He is all of that. But he is also struggling. It's a constant battle for him, everyday. To keep moving forward...and wanting to. Hearing some of the things he expresses to me, really breaks my heart. But I understand why he feels that way sometimes. And I know it's hard for him. It's tough for all of us. But today i got to snuggle in bed with my brother and hold him tight. I might have tears running down my face right now, but I am the happiest girl in the world…because of just that. He is my happy. All of my brothers are. My mom and my dad too. This family of mine, i hold them so dear to my heart. They are something special, each one of them. But Britt is my angel, my hero, my best friend. How do i even explain him?! There are no words. Everyday i look at his sweet face and think, how? How are you, the way you are? He truly is the most incredible boy i have ever known. And maybe I'm a little biased because he is my blood, but i think a lot of people would agree. He was a perfectly normal 17 year old boy on a date with a pretty girl one second, and the next he was clinging onto his life by a thread. In an instant his life was completely changed forever. And it was no ones fault. There was no reason as to why it happened the way it did, other than the fact that it was part of God's plan for him. That took me awhile to realize. But like i mentioned in the beginning of this all. Everything that happened that day, was no coincidence and no mistake. It was clear that the hand of God was in every aspect of it. He hung on long enough to make it to the hospital, when no one thought he would. He survived through the emergency brain surgeries, when it didn't seem likely. He made it through all of the scares at the ICU, and all of the nail biting moments when we didn't know if he would live another day. He woke up from his coma 3 months later. He went through a lot of ups and even more downs, sicknesses and setbacks the next 4 months in the hospital. No one could tell us what would come of him. From the beginning even up until now. That's the thing with the brain. You just don't know. The odds were never in his favor, and the outcome never seamed good. But it didn't matter, none of it did. Because it was never about what should, or was supposed to happen. It was never about the facts or the research or what the numbers on all of the machines hooked up to him showed. It was about his heart. That strong, courageous, sweet, powerful, heart of his. The trust vested in our Heavenly Father, and the healing and strengthening power gained through the Savior Jesus Christ. It was about FAITH. It was about HOPE. It was about LOVE. It was clinging so tightly to that knowledge, that our God is a God of Miracles. That he can make weak things become strong. That if we knock, it shall be opened, if we ask, it shall be given. That if we believe and have faith on his name, it should be made known. It was the spirit testifying that everything was going to be okay the moment i saw him for the first time. That it was going to be a long, hard, and very difficult road, but that there would be a light at the end. It was the strength in numbers, the millions of selfless, loving and faithful souls, friends, family, strangers, in our home, in our neighborhood, in our ward, and all over the world. It was the love you've had for my brother, whether you knew him or not, and the belief you had in him. It was the prayers you so generously offered up, countless times a day, everyday, since November 1, 2014. I strongly feel like my brother had a choice. That he had a choice to stay or to go. I don't doubt that it was a hard decision for him. And i don't doubt that he made the choice he did, because there were so many people here, who loved him, who needed him, who believed in him. I know that he felt that. Every last bit of it. I know that God heard our prayers, ever last one of them. Somedays i thought there's no way he can't be annoyed with all of us, constantly having to listen to us beg for our britt back. I've always been told there is strength in numbers, that an individual can accomplish a lot, but a team can conquer the world. And I think thats what we did in a way. The power of prayer is so real. I know that. I have felt it and i have witnessed it. We all have. 

I look back on pictures, and videos and things I wrote in the beginning. In the first couple of months, and the ones later on down the road. you would think that i'd understand it by now, that i would remember how bad it actually was. But without a doubt, every time i am reminded. This was no small feat. My sweet brother was so close to leaving us. And to think that he has fought, and clawed. He has fallen, time and time again. 5 steps forward, 10 steps back. It couldn't have been easy. I watched him everyday, I saw what he was going though. The pain he felt. The confusion, the anger, the fear. The disappointment. But then he would keep going, pushing forward. At first there was only so much he could do, physically. But you could just see it in him, that he was working so hard. I watched him heal, in every aspect, slowly but surely. I watched him progress and succeed. At times he fails, but he gets back up. He doesn't stop. He doesn't quit. He is never content with where he is. He knows his potential. And he believes it just as much as the rest of us do. Ive told him from day one. If you believe YOU can, YOU can. I truly think that nothing is holding him back. That given his circumstances, its unrealistic for him to recover like i think he can. But who cares. My coaches always told me that talent doesn't matter, heart is what gets you places. And Britton gets that. He has been an athlete his whole life. And i see that heart in him everyday. I hope he never gives up, no matter how long it might take or how hard it might be. Because i know i wont. I'll never give up on him. And ill never stop having the faith that he can be healed and made stronger with each day. If we do our part. Both physically and spiritually. Britton still has a long road ahead of him. An uphill road, with probably some big old rocks and other obstacles in the way. But that's okay. At least we have a future ahead of us. It could be so different. Whenever is start to feel sorry for myself or him, or any of it. I just remember that. We are the luckiest family in the world to have him here with us. Things could've gone so differently, and i think about that often. The thought haunts me, it makes me sick. I couldn't do it without him. I don't know how i would go on. I really don't. I can't imagine life without our britt. Life hits hard sometimes. Really hard. We all have our "things" that we have to deal with. Some harder than others. But each of us face difficulties. And they suck. Bad. Sometimes we think we can't do it, that we aren't capable. But that's just silly. Because, there is no trial, or burden that our loving Father in Heaven would give us that we weren't capable of enduring, and enduring well. He knows. He knows what we can take and what we cant. He knows what will break us down and what will build us back up. It is all with great purpose. As hard as it is to accept. As hard as it is to make sense of. Whenever i start to think that maybe i can't do it. Maybe britton can't do it. I am quickly reminded that, we chose this too. We agreed to it, and we accepted it. before we even came here. And that is why my brother is my hero. He took this on. He agreed to it. He accepted it. But i know that as his family, we all promised to be there for him, to help him, support him, love him and believe in him through it all. 

This gospel, the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, doesn't just bring happiness. It brings, knowledge, clarity and sense of strength that makes you feel like you can take on the world. It is incredible. It is healing. It is powerful. It is real, and it is true. Happiness. despite the bad, and the hard and the tragic. Because there is always a way through it, a way back. That is through him. Our savior Jesus Christ. I know, without a doubt in my mind, that the only way we have made it this far through this storm of ours, that britton has made it through…is because of what we know, what we have felt, and continue to feel. Because of the love our God has for us and because of the plan he holds for each of us. 

Our Britt still needs your prayers. Very much. He still isn't walking on his own, or eating normally, his speech is getting better but still not where it should be. His eyes still aren't open all the way, and he has trouble seeing well. He's been having problems with his ears lately, and has a hard time hearing. So there are still plenty of physical blessings he needs very badly. But, if you are asking me...specifically what I really think he needs...I would say pray for him to have high spirits, high hopes, and to be happy. His sweet heart needs it. OH AND GUESS WHAT! GOOD NEWS! He just received 30 more visits for therapy! The appeal worked! Yayyyyy!! Thank you for your prayers, I know they were heard! So, where there is a road ahead...there is opportunity for progress. That's all we ask and pray for, progress. We love you, Britt loves you!! Thank you for believing!

These were taken today. Same tournament, same day, just a year later. And oh how happy my heart is to have this sweet boy by my side in the picture.

Xoxo autumn 

Family + Fireworks + Food + Fun

What a week! It really was one for the books! A little bit hard, a little bit bittersweet, but definitely one full of laughing and smiles.

Britton got a visit from Ty Detmer and his sweet wife and girls. They came to our home and brought so much love and kindness with them. It meant so much to Britton to meet and talk with them all, especially because Britton has always looked up to and admired him so much. It was a lot of fun to visit with the Detmer and Hafen family and share stories for a little while.

Britt's visits at physical therapy are up, he has used up all 20 of them already, so it's up to us now to keep him moving in the right direction and continue to make progress. We are in the process of appealing, for hopefully more visits, because he really really needs them! Luckily we still have Matt Rhea and his boys coming to work with him a few times a week, and we have such amazing friends and people in the community offer their services and facilities for him to come and work out in if he needs it! Seriously, just when you think your family couldn't possibly receive any more support and help, we do! This community is absolutely incredible. It has been like, what…8 months now, and the support is still just as amazing as the day it happened. We couldn't be more grateful, or appreciative of you all:) thank you!!

You wanna know the greatest thing in the world? Being able to watch your little brother pile in the car with a bunch of his buddies and head off to hang out and get Buffalo Wild Wings. Just like he used to. I'm trying not to tear up as i type this. But really, it pulls the heart strings. I don't think his friends will ever know how much it means. They haven't left his side since the day it all happened. They were there for him when he was in the ICU, when he was in the the Nuero Rehab Unit, and they are here for him now. I really admired them at first for caring and believing in him the way they did. I knew they were such good boys with a lot of love for my brother. But i still and that worry in the back of my mind that maybe one day they would just stop showing up, or forget about him. It scared me so bad. The thought that he might not have them around all the time, and things might not be the same with them. I could understand how it would be easy to react different ways to what happened to my brother. Some people just handle traumatic stuff like this in different ways. They could have easily said this is too much and kept their distance, but they did the exact opposite. They don't treat him any differently, they just treat him like the same old Britton. I was so scared my little brother would one day feel like a project. And i was scared they his friends would feel obligated to continue being his friends. Because Britton obviously is much different than before in certain aspects, and i didn't want that to effect the same boy he was inside. Scary thought right? So to see these friends texting him "Hey bro, we are coming by tonight to pick you up!" or "Britt, can we hang out?"…them coming over to just sit on the couch and talk with him, or taking him away for a couple hours to just hang out like old times…I could never explain how much it means to not only him, but me. All i want for him is to have a normal life, to do normal things, ya know. Im so so very thankful for the friends he has, and for their character. You guys are so special. They go to Buffalo Wild Wings at least twice a week, or out to get a milkshake from Dairy Queen, or maybe its just a cruise around town listening to music. But it makes my heart so happy to see all of it.

We headed up to Park City for the week of the 4th! My littlest brother Ledger had a baseball tournament up there. We stayed in Heber at a family friends cabin, who was so generous to offer it to us! We had the greatest time just hang in out with each other and a few other families we are really close with! It was so much fun. To just enjoy each other company, joke around and laugh while being in such a beautiful place. My family went to the lake one day ( i was at a wedding) but it seemed like they had such a great time. Britton even got to drive the boat (glad i wasn't there hahahah) they went fishing and just spent the day on the water!

We watched tons of baseball games, and on the 4th we went to the Stadium of Fire in Provo! Journey was performing, which was awesome. My dad and Britton love them! They sang along to every song together. It was hilarious, Britton got stopped by soooo many people while we were there who knew him and his story! I just laughed as i watched a bunch of cute dance girls get together for a picture with him, because i knew that he was just thinking "Aweee yeah, perks of having a brain injury baby." hahahahha. It was so cool though, to see how many people knew him and were cheering for him! It is so good for him to see and meet all these believers because it helps him to understand and realize how many people truly care about him and love him even though they have never met him before. I hope someday he comes to understand how inspiring and incredible he is. Oh yeah, and then somehow Greyson became a celebrity too…I'd look over and id see a bunch of random people or dancer girls taking a selfie with greyson…hahaha.

We took Britt shopping at his favorite outlets in Park City, and we got him some new school clothes. He definitely didn't lose the shopper in him, that is for sure. We ran into so many people there too, who knew Britt and just wanted to say hi or give him a hug. It really is so amazing to see how many people care, near or far, friend or stranger, it means more than they'll ever know.

The other night i was up in Brittons room with him, and i could see he was scrolling through something on his phone. It was a bunch of old messages on Facebook from when he was in the hospital. He had to zoom in all the way, the screenshot the messages then zoom in some more in order for him to read them clearly. But i was able to creep over his shoulder long enough to see what some of them said. They were all messages from a wide variety of people, but they all had in common one thing. They were so uplifting, and positive, and touching. As he read one of them i could tell it was from one of his friends from school, Ina…she said something along the lines, of "Britton i know you are sleeping right now, but i can't wait for you to wake up and see this! I love you buddy, keep fighting." I couldn't help but cry…knowing that these people all had the faith that he would wake up and one day be able to read their messages. Britt put his phone down, and i could tell he was trying to hold back the tears, but he couldn't. He cried for a little bit, and then i asked him to say a prayer. It was the sweetest prayer i have ever heard. I can't remember all that he said, but i do know that it touched me so deeply, the spirit was so strong. He said one line "I never knew how grateful i was until now."

My mom puts a baby monitor up in Brittons room so she can hear him when he needs to go to the bathroom. Ledger was sleeping with him, and i was down in my mom's room and i could hear them talking to each other through the other monitor. I sat down next to it and just listened for awhile. I couldn't help but laugh and cry all at the same time. 9 year old ledger asking for advice from his older brother, who he has always wanted to be just like. They talked and talked and talked about who knows what, girls, sports, life. Some of the things they said to each other were so sweet. I was so so so happy to be in that moment. Listening to them. It is just another example of how precious the little things are, because they mean so much.

We took these pictures the day we left Park City.

 I didn't think much of them until i was looking back on them. I was overcome with emotion. Because i was standing in a picture with the 3 most important people in my life. Not, just 2 of them, but all 3. I don't know how i got so lucky, to still have that 3rd one in my life, and for him to be standing in that picture, and being all goofy and crazy like he is…but i did. And i will never ever stop thanking my heavenly father, and all of the amazing people who have played a part in his journey. I think every day about how the circumstances could be so incredibly different. He could be a vegetable, constantly in a wheel chair, paralyzed, unable to talk or move or do anything for that matter. But look at him. He is as close to the old Britt than i could've ever hoped or prayed for. And that is such a miracle. I will never understand why we were so blessed. or why we continue to be. But that boy is a simple reminder to me every single second of every single day that God is good, people are great, and life is so precious and amazing. Hold the ones you love and care about close to your heart, don't let the imperfections and disruptions of every day life take away from the big picture and what is really important. Go the extra mile to be a little better and to love a little harder. Don't wait for reality or tragedy to come knocking on your doorstep. Chances are it will, eventually, at some point, in some way or another. And you'll get through it. I love this family of mine. I love all of you. I love that boy i call my hero and my brother. I love the strength and happiness I am able to have through the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

heres some clips front he past month, of britt just being britt

Free Man

It's been a minute, and i have officially ran out of excuses as to why i am a terrible blogger.

But i am about to fill you in, and give you all the deets. 

So, the past couple of weeks a lot has happened. A lot of GOOD stuff. 

Britt had the honors of being this years Utah Summer Games torch carrier. He received the Spirit of the Games Award, and got to carry the torch in the open ceremonies. Unfortunately i was out of town, and didn't get to be there for it, but my parent said that it was an unforgettable night! Britton felt so much love from everyone there, and it was so cool for him to see how many people are running alongside him through this uphill battle he is facing. It means so much to our family that he was chosen for this special award and high honor. I think it is safe to say it was a night that he will never forget. 

He had a little operation on his left eye, the day after his birthday. They sewed 3/4 of it shut, so he has a little slit that he can see perfectly through. They decided to do this because his tear ducts aren't producing enough tears to lubricate it, thats why he got the ulcer and abrasions on the outer eye…which was scary. But this is supposed to help it heal, so that more moisture will stay in the eye. They said it just depends on how fast the outer layer of his eye heals, but it could be like that for up to 6 months! He went to the eye doctor at the beginning of this week and he saw 20/40..which is the best he has ever seen!!! We were so excited about that! We are hoping that it continues to heal the way it is supposed to, so that the kid can see again!!

He has been loving the new pool! He would spend all day in there if he could! It has been so good for him, because he can walk around and swim underwater, and all sorts of stuff!

Britt just finally got his feeding tube out on tuesday! WOOOHOOO HE IS A FREE MAN! He was so so excited to get rid of that thing. Thankfully he is now able to drink enough water through his mouth, so the tube was no longer needed. It is so weird to not see it hanging out from underneath his shirt!haha They just popped it right out and stuck some gauze over it, so the hole is just supposed to heal right up in a few days! 

I took him shopping the other day with his friend Ally. We went to a few stores in the mall and tried on a bunch of clothes! I was a little bit nervous about taking him out and doing all of that by myself, but it went perfect!! It was so much fun, and he still knows exactly what he likes and what he doesn't. The only thing that has changed is what size he wears…hahahah, he's not so skinny anymore. We got some really cute outfits for him to wear on all of his future hot dates;)

Last night he went on a ride with my dad in the razor. He has been asking him for over a month if he can try driving, so my dad took him out and let him try! He did it!! Just down the street, but it was such a huge accomplishment for him! He was so nervous he wouldn't be able to or that he wouldn't remember how to, so for him to be able to do that, even just for a second, really helped his confidence and was just what he needed. My dad couldn't believe how well he did either. 

He ran into Kycie yesterday at therapy! It was the first time the two had met, even though it feels like they have known each other this whole time. I wasn't there, but my mom said it was such a great experience. He just held her and gave her the biggest hugs! He said he wanted to take her home with him. I think they are each others biggest fans. 

He has just been doing so well lately. It blows me away, each day the progress we see. I really think the Rhea's coming over and working with him every morning has helped him so so much. His balance and strength is coming along, but definitely has a long way to go! He is coming up on the end of his 20 physical therapy visits next week. He is nowhere near being well off enough to end therapy, so we are in the process of appealing for more visits! The first year after the brain is injured is very crucial in the healing process. The brain is most susceptible to relearning things during that time frame, so we really really need him to be able to continue in his therapy! If the appeal doesn't go through, it is 1000 dollars per week for his visits, which is a crazy amount, but we have to do what we have to do, for him! So we are crossing our fingers and praying that the insurance will grant him more time! They have been so good to us so far, so we are hopeful! But if you could please include that in your prayers we would be so grateful! 

It is incredible to see how far he has come since day 1. We are so thankful everyday to watch him progress and become more of himself a little bit at a time. It is like watching a big huge miracle unfold in front of your eyes, and in your own home. We know that it is thanks to a loving heavenly father and a loving community who had rallied and believed in him every step of the way. The prayers continue to bring to pass so many needed blessings. Thank you for continuing to think of him, he still has a long road ahead! 

Happy Birthday to "Our Boy Britt" Big 17

Well while Autty is out back packing around Switzerland, France, Germany, Italy and the rest of Europe with very little cell service, her little brother had a big party without her..... Britton turned 17 years old on sunday the 7th and he wanted to have a "House Party" "Pool Party" ..... Well he just wanted to PARTY! So we put together a little "Backyard Party" and Monday with 60 or so of his closest friends it was on! I really just invited every contact he had in his old cell phone. I finally got his new phone turned on and all his old info downloaded into it. His old phone was locked with a code that only he could remember... and that wasn't working out very well, so we just got him a new one for his birthday? We made it work though and "The Party" was a huge sucecess! Thank You to Shanon Akins, Gramdma Sandy, Seth Smith, Nate & Camerlee Ence, Brooksby Stafford, Bud Stafford, Bret & Charice Smith, Ryan Anderson, Jeff Norton, Lance Warby, Robert Ence, Tyler Roberts, Kent & Robyn Frei, Jimmy Johns (Glendennings) and All the Friends that made this a party to remember!

We are so fortunate to be celebrating this day with "Our Boy" because back in November we were just praying for each day. The future is so bright for Britton and I see that everyday in him. He just seems to get a little better every single day. His attitude is one that is un-rivaled and his work ethic has not diminished one bit. We got a small eye surgery done today that will close up his left eye for a while to let his cornea heel proper and also tighten up the little bit of sag from nerve damage from his accident. He got through that great and is home resting! Britt has a big day Thursday 11th 8:30pm up in Cedar City (SUU) at The Opening Ceremonies of The Utah Summer Games. He is recieving The Spirit of The Games Award and getting to light the Big Torch to open up The Games. We are so honored that they think so much of Britton and his story to allow him to be such a big part of this always Great Event, that features so many strong & talented athletes from all over the State & Country. 

Britton has had the opportunity to talk to a few different youth groups lately and he loves being able to share his feelings with all those hundreds of kids that have supported him through this last 8 months. I love when he stands there and simply opens with "Thank You..... Thank You for ALL the PRAYERS...... Your all AWESOME, I wouldn't be her without YOU!" ... I kinda think that says it all?

And Thank You all again from our Family for all the kind words and stories we hear so often about how Britton has touched your life in one way or another, and about the testimonies of prayer, faith & just good feelings that this has brought to so many people all over the world. We of all those people feel those blessings as strong as anyone and we Love You All for that. 

Enjoy his "Birthday Party" video......

Jesse 

High's and Low's

I know, i know, it has been forever. And I am fired from running this blog. Life is crazy. But I will take full responsibility for not keeping everyone up to date. MY BAD.

Let's try to remember what has gone on the past couple of weeks. Well, as you can imagine, plenty of doctors appointments, check up's and follow up's. Britton got another MRI, and the results were good, nothing seems to be worse, only getting better! Thank heavens. His eyes, have their good days and bad. Somedays he can see fairly well out of the left one, and other days it is really blurry and hard for him. The right one will open up quite a bit ever once in awhile, but for the most part he has to hold it open himself. It still doesn't track or move much, it pretty much just stays fixed, so when he is looking at you it is hard to tell. His speech is still the same, pretty tough to understand him unless you are his family and know how to speak Britton hahah. His speech therapist is so awesome though, and he has been doing a lot of research to try and figure out what we can do to help him and make it better. He said they can see more movement in his velum…i think that is how you spell it, it is this thingy in the back of your throat that helps sounds come out (i might be making that up…look it up on google if you really want to know haha) He has started to put together longer sentences though, more details and big words. It was so funny, the other night i was telling him about a boy, and asking him what he thinks I should do, and the way he was responding and communicating with me was like nothing was even wrong. It was a perfectly normal conversation, just like I would have had with him 7 months ago. That is something that I am so thankful for and will never take for granite…that i can have sit down with my brother and have a conversation with him, whether it be simple or deep. Im so thankful that he is able to understand and communicate just like the old Britt.

A few weeks ago he went through a rough couple of days. For some reason he was just really down, and would have crying episodes at night for hours. We tried to handle it as best as possible, but that stuff can be hard on a family. It tugs on your emotions like no other. I'm thankful for my dad in those moments that the coach can come out in him and talk Britton back up, he can allude things to sports and to games and to being an athlete in general and help him wipe away the tears. It is hard to know the right time for those moments though. We know that sometimes he is going to cry and feel sad, and disappointed and frustrated and all of those things. It is more than natural, it has to happen, given the circumstances he is in. I think it is very important for those emotions to be felt, because it is all  a part of the healing process. You can't just brush it off every time…there are definitely moments where you have to cry, and let it all out. I have learned that the past few months. As much as i want to always be that tough girl who doesn't cry about it, because there is nothing she can do about it…i've learned that i have to. The only way i will ever heal, just like my brother, is to allow those emotions and feelings to be felt every once in awhile. But to always get back up and keep moving forward. Always.

He made it through all of the state baseball games, and refused to be anywhere else but the dugout with his team. He loves those boys and that game more than anything. He came home from an appointment the other day discouraged because he was told he would never play football again. He was really upset and down about it, so i had a long talk with him, and it was really good, we figured a lot of things out and set some goals. Even though he might not play football he will still be just as much a part of the team. His coach came over the other day to bring him his spirit pack and all the shirts have a number 7 on them with #believe4britton on them, and a really cool saying about warriors… which describes my brother perfectly. The fact that the coach and team went out of their way to do such a sweet thing for my brother and make him feel like a big part of them, means more than they will ever know, especially to him. Anyway, after our long talk, we decided that he is perfectly capable of playing baseball again and nothing can stop him from reaching that goal. So we are focused on getting better and stronger and either being able to play this season, or maybe next! But that is the plan. And I think it is possible, but it is going to take a whole lot of time work and effort to get him there!!

We were walking out of the hospital about a week ago and a little boy with special needs came up to him and was just trying to be friendly…but he said some things about Britton joining him in Special Ed next year at school because he was handicapped now and needed to be in special ed classes. Now, I know very well that this boy was just excited to see him and talk to him, and didn't know any better. But as I wheeled my brother into the elevator he burst into tears and so did I. My brother is fully aware of what is going on. He really has no mental issues or problems when it comes to real life stuff. So he gets it. Perfectly, he gets it. He doesn't want people thinking he is handicapped or has special needs. And as his sister neither do I. Because he isn't, at all. yes he has physical disabilities right now because of his injuries and his brain doesn't work exact like it used to but on the inside he is still a 16 year old boy who get's it. Who just wants to be normal and is trying so hard to be. As I sit here typing this it is so hard not to tear up at the thought of this day. All he could say is I'm not handicapped am I? Why does he think I am handicapped. Will I have to go to special ed and special needs mutual?

These questions just ripped at my heart. I was trying so hard to keep my composure and help him understand that the boy didn't mean it. This kind of thing has happened a few times, and it's just as hard every time. When we go places in public and some people stare, I just worry about him…I hope he isn't thinking too much about it or letting it get to him.

Although the other day we were searching for a parking spot and the lot was packed…the only spot open was handicapped parking….i looked at him and he looked at me, and sat there for a second, and started laughing…."I MEAN I BASICALLY AM SO JUST DO IT. What are they going to do…give me ticket. I don't think so." I died laughing. Such a crack up. That is the sense of humor that i love and absolutely could not live without. He keeps my spirits up when it should be me doing the opposite for him.

But on a lighter not, literally EVERYWHERE we go….people flock to him. and i mean, FLOCK. Like the freakin paparazzi…it is so hilarious. Especially younger kids. "Brittttttttttttton, HIIIIIIIIII Britton!!!! Can we take a picture with you?! You're awesome Britton! We love you!!!!!!" So dang cute. He loves it too, and thinks it is so funny. Me and my mom just sit back and watch. We went to Greysons 7th grade talent show (where he performed scooter tricks to the song Dynamite by the way hahahah) and after the show, i swear the whole school was in line to get a picture with Britton. If we are in a restaurant or at a ball game, no matter where we are there are always Britton fans. And I can't express how grateful we are for that. It is the greatest thing in the world to watch complete strangers introduce themselves to Britt and tell him how he has impacted their lives, or how much they love him and have prayed for him. It helps my brother to see and understand how many people love him and believe in him. He needs to see that and hear it from them. It helps him so much and gives him that little boost that he needs.

There's a few other funny things that he has said that ill tell you about real quick before i forget.

So the other day i lost my phone, and i was like, "don't you hate it when you can't find your phone?" And he said, "yeah. I haven't been able to find mine for 7 months."

He still orders a bowl of whipped cream everywhere we go.

Then we were sitting in the car at a baseball game and had the windows down. Some lady a few cars down was yelling something to one of her kids and britton thought she was talking to him…so he responded. And then she looked at him, and i was like "britton she wasn't talking to you." And he says…"Well that's what happens when you only have one eye." Cause he couldn't see her hahahahaha.

"it's common sense mom." He says that like 50 times a day.

His first attempted selfie.

OKAY. THIS ONE IS THE BEST. So remember how my mom got in a crash with those two old people in the Mcdonald's parking lot? Well every time we go there (cause my mom has to get a coke there like at least 3 times a day) every time, we are driving out (the spot where they ran into her) he says "WHAMMM-OOOOHHH" It is thee absolute funniest thing. Every. Single. Time. He doesn't forget.

My mom told him to keep an eye on ledger while she went outside, and britton says…. "okay mom. Ledger….I got my eye on you. Literally. My eye. My one eye."

So I am sitting on the couch and Britton and my mom walk in, and she walks him over to sit by me. He sits down and is looking all suspicious. My mom walks away…he looks at me and gives me the funniest look ever like he is up to something, big time. He looks back to see where my mom is, then looks at me, looks back at my mom again to make sure the coast is clear. Reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a freakin chocolate chip cookie. He starts doing this silent laugh and pointing at the cookie and at my mom. So i got the hint that he stole the cookie from my mom and put it in his pocket. I started busting up laughing and he shoved it back into his pocket and my mom walked over and asked us what was so funny. Im still laughing, and Britton is sitting there trying to look all innocent with cookie crumbs all over his lap, and my mom said..Britton why is there cookie all over you and starts brushing it off and felt the cookie in his pocket, pulled it out and was like, heyyyy i thought i left that at the store.

He is a bottomless pitt i tell you. He is never satisfied…or full. So after ever meal, he is like "mommmmmm, what's next?!" then my mom will say something like, i have fed you everything in our fridge. "BUT MOM I AM A GROWING BOY. I AM A HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPO." every single time. So then, i said…britton you are turning into a hippo. And he said, your mom's a hippo. But my mom didn't hear and we just laughed to ourselves about it hahahahaha.

"Hey look I'm Greyson"

He has this watch that his therapist gave to him because he asks everyone what time it is like a million times a day. So yeah, he has this new watch. and he has to shower with it, sleep with it, the thing doesn't come off. He won't allow it. He checks it every 5 minutes no joke it is so funny. And he made me read him the owners manual…not once, but twice. Yep. Twice, so we could learn all of the functions.

exhibit A

His truck has a security system on it, and today one of the guys who are working on the pool accidentally tapped his truck and all the alarms went off. And Britton was like, "HAAAA NOT SO FAST FELLAS. THAT THINGS ON LOCK DOWN." Just yells it from inside the house. Even though no one could hear him.

He tried to convince me to give him a piece of gum, told me that he has chewed it lots of times before and that i couldn't stop him. So i finally gave in and let him have a piece. 10 minutes later i see him searching the underneath his seat in his truck and looking all around. I asked him what he was looking for, and he said nothing. So i kept on driving. When we got out of the car, i was helping him walk into the house and noticed a huge white thing on his butt. WELL WHAT DO YA KNOW. A piece of gum stuck to his shorts. hmmm.

Anyway. Yeah, he keeps us laughing that is for sure. He has always been super funny, but kept it to himself, unless you knew him really well he'd open up to you and be himself…but he doesn't hold anything back anymore. It's all or nothing these days.

Baby Britton.

He went to a convention the other night with all of the first responders who were at the scene the day of the accident, the life flight crew, the ambulances, everyone. They presented britton's case and did a big presentation on it. I didn't get to go but my dad said it was so awesome, and they gave him a huge standing ovation and had him give a speech. He is so thankful for those special people who were there for him the day of his accident, as are we. They saved his life and acted perfectly and appropriately when he had seconds if not that to live. We will forever have a special spot for them in our hearts. The love they have shown our family and my brother the past 7 months has been absolutely incredible. And we could never repay them for what they did for him that day.

One of his trainers who helped him with lifting and speed training before all of this, comes and works with him a few times a week and it is so awesome. He pushes britton and makes him work really hard, which britton loves. It has been so good for him. Yet another example of incredible, selfless people, who give up their time and energy to help my sweet brother.

So last night was quite the night. It was a really good day that tuned really hard…really quick. My dad and Ledger headed off to vegas for a baseball tournament and Greyson was out with friends, so my mom and I decided to take Britt on a date. He wanted to go to the movie…so we got him all dressed up and headed out. He insisted on getting cotton candy because it dissolves and he wouldn't have a problem eating it. So my mom got him some and we went and sat down in the theater. Everything was going really good until he started eating the cotton candy really fast, and my mom was trying to tell him to slow down but he was getting kind of mad at her for telling him what to do. About 5 minutes later my mom noticed he was having a hard time breathing, and she kind of started to panic. He wasn't really giving her a yes or no answer, and i didn't know what to do because i didn't want to make a scene in the theater. Well…we made a scene. He started chocking, and couldn't breath. My mom was freaking out and i stood up and told someone to call 911. A few people from the row in front of us came back to help my mom pat his back while she tried to get the cotton candy out of the back of his throat. Saying it was scary was an understatement. Everything was so hectic, and everyone was panicking, and i was just frozen, not really knowing what to do. I just had this thought running through my head like, oh my gosh this can't be it. I honestly thought that he was going to pass out and stop breathing and i couldn't move or say anything really. I was sweating and felt like i was going to pass out because i was in shock and so scared and didn't know what to do. The cotton candy had become hardened in the back of his throat, and he didn't know because it is numb back there and he can't feel anything. So It was like a hockey puck in the back of his throat my mom was pounding on his back and screaming, and sticking her hand in the back of his throat to try and get it out. People turned on their flashlights on their phones to try and help us see. We poured water down his throat and he was able to cough up some of the cotton candy to wear he could swallow water and breath again. I grabbed him and tried to get him out of the theater as fast as i could, there were a lot of people around helping us and the cops showed up as soon as we got into the hallway. He was breathing fine at that point, but was in a little bit of shock. I was trying to hold back the tears and so was he. I could tell he was so embarrassed and sorry for ruining everyones movie, he told them thank you and sorry and was trying not to cry. The ambulance guys came and checked his vitals and everything was fine. But holy crap. What a nightmare. It was so scary, i can't even explain. I was so scared something was going to happen…and i couldn't help but think…not after all he's been through, not now. Thank heavens for such sweet kind, and caring people who helped us. I felt so bad after for causing such a scene and interrupting the movie, but i don't know what else we would have done. As we were walking out Britton said to one of the officers, "ill tell you what, you guys got here fast." We decided to just leave after that. Poor britt just wasn't himself the rest of the night. I had a hard time too. It just sucked. He didn't need that. I want him to feel like he can go out in public and do normal things without something always happening or going wrong. It was kind of an eye opener for all of us. It just broke my heart to see him so sad and embarrassed the rest of the night. I can't help but feel for him. I would just do anything in the world to switch him places. Anything.

Today has been great so far though. He is incredible. His spirit, his demeanor, his perspective. Each day i am in awe at the young man he has become.

I hope you know how special you all are to him and to my entire family. NO way would he be here without your prayers, love and service. We could never thank you enough. PLease please please keep those prayers coming. He still needs them just as bad as before. If theres something specific you could pray for it would be that the nerves dealing with his eyes and facial muscles can heal properly and start to function normally again so that he can see. And that he can continue to gain physically strength. Thank you thank you thank you a million trillion times. WE love you. Keep believing.

XOXO Autumn

Keepin On

It's been a couple weeks! We are still alive though, don't worry.

Britt is doing awesome, he really is. I am so impressed with the boy, i can't even explain it. It is a lot harder to notice the progress and improvements nowadays, with the schedule and type of therapy that he gets now…but it is definitely still there. It has taken some time to adjust to this new routine, of being home and having to go over for therapy and speech and appointments and all that. And i don't think we are fully adjusted yet, we still have a lot to figure out and get better at. There have been lots of ups and downs the past couple of weeks. It's been, what…about 6 and 1/2 months now since the accident, and i keep thinking that it'll start to get easier at some point…but it just doesn't. Every day is hard. Every day we have to fight that broken heart feeling that tries to creep in, the fear, the frustration, the doubt. To watch my sweet brother go through nights where all he can do is sob tears of confusion and disappointment, in fear that he may never be able to do the things he once could. It is so hard to know what to say. It's hard to be strong for him all the time too, to always be optimistic and uplifting. Sometimes all i want to do is break down and cry right beside him. It's those moments that are the absolute hardest for me, and i think for the rest of my family as well. It is the worst thing in the world to watch your little brother go through that, to be so discouraged and afraid. I pray with everything in me that he will never give up and that he will continue to believe in himself as much as the rest of us do. And i know he will and does, I just think there are moments where he looses sight of things and needs to let those feelings he hides so well, be felt. Being patient is so hard. But i know it is what we have to do. I know that with time things will get better, that thankfully, time is on our side. I know that as long as we continue to put our faith in the Lord and his plan and power, that my brother will continue to heal. I know that we have to do our part as well though, that Britton has to work hard, and put in the time and effort to get better, if it is going to happen. I think that is one thing that has been hard for us lately. We aren't the therapist at the rehab unit. We are just his family, thankfully we got to learn from all those great therapists and know some basic things, but it is so hard to take time out of the day to really focus on doing exercises and certain workouts like they did at the hospital. It is a lot harder than we thought it would be. Busy busy busy, all day, my mom is a busy lady, making sure she is giving him all his medications, eye drops, water, food, at the right times and in the right amounts. She's amazing, i don't know how she does what she does. We have just been trying to keep britt busy, so he doesn't have time to sit around and think about things. As far as his speech goes, i haven't noticed much of a difference, he still has a long way to go, and part of the problem is the numbness in his mouth and the mechanics…they aren't working like they are supposed to. His eyesight is up and down, somedays better than others, but the past couple days we have had a lot of problems with his eyes. He can hardly see out of the one that is half open, and the one that doesn't open can see close up and is looking in a different direction. They think these are problems from the stroke. They are contemplating a few options to help the healing process of his eyes. One of those is to sew his eyelid shut so that it can't be scratched or upset in any way, but they aren't sure if they'll go through with it. They can't really tell us exactly what is going on with them, because they don't know. So we just have to pray that the nerves and everything will heal and eventually start to work and function properly so that he can see normally. It really does affect a lot, him not being able to see. It affects his physical mobility and his motor skills, his reading, and cognitive ability. It's just hard to do a lot when you can't see what it is you are doing. So prayers are much needed for that!! He still has his peg tube in his stomach because he isn't able to drink enough water though his mouth yet, but he is getting better at it everyday! His fine motor skills are coming along! He tied his shoes for the first time this week, it took him about 30 minutes for one show but he did it! He can now put on his seatbelt by himself too! that used to take him forever, to find the right part where it clicks.

We got to go to salt lake this weekend, and britt threw out the first pitch for the Utah softball team. he loved every second, and had so much fun! It made me so happy to see him so happy, and to see all of the people who love and support him up there. Im super thankful for my team and coaches and the amazing support they have been to him and my family through all of this. They are incredible. He also got a system put in his truck from Califonia Audio…such amazing guys. They will never in a million years know how much that meant to Britt. He gets the biggest smile on his face when they turn the bass all the way up bump in the cooker. It's selfless acts of service like that, that truly amaze me. I can't believe how good people are. We are so thankful for all of the generous things people do to put a smile on our sweet boy's face. Because there truly is nothing better. But boy, good hearts…really good hearts out there. We are so very grateful.

He is still as hilarious as ever. Actually i think he gets funnier every day. You ought to hear the thing that come out of his mouth. He has me laughing all day long. I love his personality and charisma. Im so thankful he has that, and that he is always putting a smile on other peoples faces with this spunk and quirkiness. Everyday i thank the heavens above for him. For all of the blessing and miracles that have taken place. To have him in my life, and improving everyday is more than i could ever ask for. There are hard days, really really hard days, and i wish with all my heart i could just wake up and this would have all been a dream, but we have been given so much…much more than we deserve, and for that i am eternally grateful. I know there are going to be tough days, and a lot of tears and heartbreak, but with that comes the other, days full of happiness and success. I still believe in my sweet brother, just as much as i did on day one…I know that with faith, prayer and hard work, he can get to where he wants to be. That the lord has performed many miracles thus far, and is capable of plenty more if we have the faith.

Thank you for your service, your prayers, and your never-ending love and support. Please please please, keep the prayers coming, he needs them everyday!! we love you:)

Keep Believing

Little Recap on the week.

Britt had a lot of doctor appointments and follow ups this past week. He got to hang out with his buddies a few times too! The high school recognized him at an assembly (i wasn't here) but my mom said it was awesome, and that Britt got up there and gave a speech like he was the class president. hahaha, i can imagine. He got a visit from some of the coaches from SUU, and we got to visit with them for the evening. The Utah Summer Games committee chose to give Britt the Spirit of the Games award, and light the torch at the opening ceremonies. He is so excited about it. He has been to a few of the baseball games this week too! Yesterday he went to the full 3 hour block of church, and did such a great job. He is reallymgetting the hang of feeding himself, super messy, but we will take it! Today he was sitting on the couch, crawled not he ground, grabbed the remote control, climbed back up, went to the dvr menu, scrolled till he found Dumb and dumber and fast forwarded it to all of his favorite parts, completely by himself. it was hilarious. Today he went to the eye doctor again, and was pretty frustrated after the appointment. I think not being able to see very clearly at all is really difficult for him. I can understand why. We are just praying and hoping that with time and patience his eyes and vision will heal and come back. Today i was sorting through videos and pictures, a lot from the beginning of this whole thing. And it was so crazy to me. I think my mind has just blocked out all those days in the beginning, trying to forget them. I forgot how bad it actually was, how scary. Watching those videos forced me to relieve and remember it all and i couldn't believe it. My heart was so overwhelmed with gratitude. It was a really strong feeling, and i felt so thankful for how far he had come, and for all the miracles that had taken place along the way. It is still so crazy to me that it even happened. Tonight was really hard for my brother, he went to the game, and i think it just hit him that he can't be out there on the field playing with his buds. He has been crying for a couple hours now since he's been home, and there is nothing we can say or do to make the hurt go away. it is the hardest thing in the world to watch him go through this, but we just hope for better days to come and continue to put our faith in the lord and his plan, and his capability to heal my brother with work and patience on our end. Thank you for all the love and support you continually show us and my sweet brother:) we couldn't do it without you!! Keep believing!