Get Better Soon B

Poor little B unit was in some serious pain all day today. I walked in this morning and Britt was really pale, he just looked so sick and sad. He would try to get out little words here and there but they were so weak and faint. And when he would cry, it would break my heart. He was trying to be tough though. My dad had him situated all nice, he was curled up in a ball cause of the pain, and he had some country music playing next to him. we just sat next to him and held his hand and rubbed his head. When he coughs you can tell it hurts him so bad, I just clench my teeth and close my eyes cause I feel so bad for him. His throat is really tender and soar after everything he's had going on with the trach lately. I got in bed with him for a little bit and just layed next to him and sang along with the songs. Today reminded me a lot of his past days, the ones that weren't so good. I didn't like it one bit.

His surgery lasted a couple hours, we were probably there for four. Being back in that hospital on the second floor, brought back lots of emotions and feelings. I saw a few people crying hysterically coming out of the ICU, and it just hit me so hard. Because that was me a few months ago. That place is not a fun place to be at all. I remember coming through those doors everyday, hitting the elevator for floor number two and walking down the hallway into the ICU. Those were the hardest days of my life, and my families. One's I'm so glad are over and that we were able to get through. I saw the empty visiting areas and waiting room and just thought about how it was constantly packed with friends family and strangers who were there for my brother. I remembered all the times he was having different surgeries done, brain surgeries, how scary it was, how risky. How we would sit together in the waiting room, hoping and praying with everything in us that it would all go okay and he would make it out alright. Hard days. And today, I was able to sit in the waiting room with peace in my heart and no fear, because I know this is just a small thing, although it sucks for poor Britt, he has overcome much worse than this. It was humbling. When I walked out of the hospital, I walked through the garden they have outside. I remember that first week after Britt's accident, I was trying so hard to be strong, but I had hit the point where I had to let it all out. I rushed downstairs and outside to the garden, I fell to my knees and I just cried, sobbed, yelled. Really loud. For a long time. I don't think I have ever felt so much hurt, or pain, or grief, or confusion, or anger, or helplessness. Everything just came out all at once. I have never cried like that in my life, or felt so broken. I was out there for a couple hours. It was much needed, I remember saying a prayer after, and feeling so much better about everything. Walking back through that garden was so weird, because when I was there 3 months ago…I was praying and hoping with all of my heart that someday my brother would get to the point that he is today. And here we are. So grateful. God is good. I'm so thankful for the love of my savior and for the strength and peace I was and still very much am able to feel and have with me each day. I'm grateful for the knowledge and testimony I have of families, and how we can be together forever through the eternities, I'm thankful for the Lord's plan and for his timing, for the growth we are able to gain through the good and hard things that we face through out our lives. I'm so thankful for the power of prayer, in my darkest hardest moments, I have been able to come out of because of the peace I feel when I pray. I know He hears, and answers each one of us…in time. I'm thankful that my wants, desires and needs are important Him, that He is mindful of that. Most of all I am grateful for the thousands of you…those who are religious and those who are not…offering up prayers and keeping them in your hearts for my brother. I'm thankful for your faith in him, for always believing in him, never giving up on him. Sometimes I think about it…I can't help but wonder if this was maybe supposed to take a different route. I know that God has a will, and that, that will comes to pass. But I don't doubt that maybe this whole situation could've gone both ways. That maybe Britt could've gone, or stayed…but either way it depended on the prayers and faith of all who have believed in him and in our mighty God. I used to joke with my mom…Heavenly Father has got to be up there saying MY HECK, all these people praying, all these people having faith on my name and in my power, all these people who love this boy…how could I let him leave them just yet, so he let him stay. And the prayers, the love, the faith…it all continued, and got even stronger, and as it did…so did my brother. I don't know why, and maybe I'm just imagining things or being crazy…but i truly and strongly believe that was the case. That because of your prayers, faith, love, kindness and service towards my brother…my brother is still here. I could never repay you.

Hopefully we have this kidney stone thing under control now. They were able to remove some, and zap some down to make them smaller, but the boy had some freakin boulders inside of him…not even kidding. HUGE. We don't know how he got them, but the docs are going to look into it! Thanks for all the prayers about the surgery, it went really well!