Day 3

Yesterday was a hard day. but a great day. I went from a complete all time low, to an all time high. This is a roller coaster I'll tell ya that much. We couldn't do it without the support of all of you. i will never be able to repay you or thank you enough for what you are doing for this family and my brother. unbelievable. absolutely unbelievable.

But here we are. another day to spend with our sweet boy. how blessed. how lucky. trying to be strong is hard to do all the time. and yesterday i learned that it is okay to cry. and it's okay to hurt. I couldn't do it in front of my mom and dad, and all the people around. and definitely not in front of britt. so i took a little walk outside to get my feelings out. and i cried. i cried good and hard. for a long time. it felt really good. i had a nice conversation with my father in heaven. A few friends were there to comfort me too, and how i am so thankful for their presence and sweet spirtits. i walked back into this dang hospital ready to be tough again. When my little brothers, Greyson and Ledger came in, it got a little hard again. Britton is their best friend. their role model. their coach. their buddy. their big brother. Greyson is such a special spirit and a blessing to this family, let me tell you why. He is perfect. he knows no bad, he knows no wrong. and he is his happy go lucky self all the time no matter the situation. We need him most during times like these. His cute smiling face and funny remarks, are needed around here. And my baby brother ledger. Please pray for his aching heart. he doesnt understand much but he knows his brother is hurting and fighting for his life. I took them both on a walk, and all i could do was smile and tell them that Britty was going to be fine. I know that being tough for those boys and hopeful is all i can do to stengthen their spirits.

me and my mom were able to go home for a couple hours to shower and get some sleep. I got home and walked in the door and there is his back pack and sweatshirt and crap all over the place. lliterally. all over the place. typical britton. and usually thats when i'd yell at him and tell him to pick his stuff up, but in that moment all i could do was cry and hold his sweatshirt to my face. My sweet brother. i walked up to my room and his pants and towell and a few other things were laying in my bathroom. and i just fell to the floor and cried. i needed him to be  back in my bathroom again, using my shower and pink towell because my shower head was wayyyy better than his. i walked into his room, and i dont think i've ever cried so hard. bed not made, whats new? i layed down in it and curled up clinging to his pillow. I am 20 years old and i kid you not, at 4 am when i would wake up and be scared, (cause im a scardy cat) i would walk into his room and tap him on the shoulder and wiggle him and shake him until he woke up and say "will you come sleep with me?" "no. ya big baby." so i'd crawl in bed with him, and it was always a tight squeeze. i cant wait till we can have sleepovers again in reguards to my scardy cat self. Britton is like super OCD, with his stuff. he has everything in his room perfectly orginized in order in its special spot. its hilarious. he's a collector too, of the weirdest littel trinkets. I gathered up some of his little belonging, things i felt like represented who he was, and brought them back to the hospital to decorate his room, so everyone who came in there knew who they were fighting for. I walked outside, his keys in my hand, unlocked his truck, and got in. i cried for awhile. and i talked to him for awhile. i turned on our favorite song, 'Troubador' by George Strait. That is our jam. When we were younger and our hunting in the mountains with our dad, all we listened to is country. and i kid you not, that song came on every 10 minutes, and we would just laugh and laugh, and sing along to it every time. So i sang that song. and i swear he was right there in that front seat singing with me. We went back over to the hospital to find hundreds of kids from all the schools in our area, gathered in the hospital. What a special feeling. What a special community. What a special boy, right? So thank you thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Seeing his sweet friends warms my heart. To know that my brother has so many kids pulling for him. I sit in on their conversations and just giggle to myself, talking about memories and fun times with britt. Me and my mom stayed the night with our boy. We took turns holding his hand and sleeping. Who knew getting 4 hours of solid sleep could work such wonders! We felt like new women.