The Man With a Plan

I thought that the days of crying sad tears might be coming to an end....but last night i was reminded that we've still got a long way to go, and that the sad tears will probably never fully go away. See, this whole thing...really is the epitome of a roller coaster. One minute my emotions are fully in tact and i have myself put together, with a big smile on my face. And then the next minute I'm crying, sleep deprived, and scared. We had a good day yesterday...all of us! Britt, my dad and mom, me, and my brothers! All around it was just a quiet and smooth day. I went home, got the little boys some food, and sat down on the couch. Britton always hogged the couch, sprawled out, taking up as much room as possible so no one could sit on it. He would hide the remote control so we were forced to watch what he wanted to watch. Sitting on the couch made me miss that, miss him, and his little tendencies, that you don't think you like at the time...but learn that you do. Our house isn't a home without him. Our family isn't whole without him. There is just something missing, and it's our britt. I need him back. My mom walked into her room and found me crying, i tried to go somewhere where no one could see or hear me, but she walked in and asked me what was wrong. "I need my brother back." is all i could say. I need to see his clothes laying all over the house. I need to yell at him for not flushing the toilet. I need him to be here so I can eat what's left on his plate when he isn't looking. These little things that you don't think you really care about too much in a person...but when they aren't around much anymore, you realize that you do care. a lot. It's the stupidest things, that i miss. I made the mistake of getting on the computer to get some pictures for the blog. As i was looking through them it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I had looked through these pictures a million times. The ones where he's playing baseball, and football, the ones with his friends, the hunting ones, the ones at the beach. I had seen them all before. We have been taking pictures of him each day he has been here in the hospital, and as i kept scrolling they started coming up.  It breaks my heart to see my handsome little brother this way. And I just can't wrap my head around the fact that one minute he was this normal, healthy, boy...and the next, everything had changed. A complete 180. World flipped upside down. I would do anything for it to be me laying in the hospital bed, instead of him. The thing that hurts the most is not knowing what lies ahead for him. I don't know if he will ever be able to do the things he loves again. I don't know if he will ever be able to play football, basketball, or baseball again. I don't know if he will ever be able to think and process things the same. Or if he will be able to walk and move normally. I don't know if he will ever be able to see again, or hear the same. I don't know if he will remember. who he is, who we are. That's the thing with the brain and this type of injury....we don't know anything. And that is the scariest part. Of course i want my brother to wake up and recover, and i know he will. But i want him to be happy too. I hope and pray that he will be able to make a full recovery, and continue to do the things he loves and be the happy boy i've always known him to be. I guess though, knowing the type of person he is...he will always find a reason to be happy, even if it's hard. We don't know a lot of things....but I do know this; i do know God has a plan for my brother. and his plan is perfect. He knows him and he loves him and would not give him a task he was not capable of handling with the utmost grace. Britton is a fighter. He is strong. And if i know him like i say i know him, he will come out of this situation, better, stronger and even more amazing than he ever was before.

Britt is holding steady so far today. Still doing most of the breathing on his own. Still looking like a total stud. We are waiting to hear from the doctors about the MRI and CT scan results...and what they plan to do next! So once i hear from them, I will give you all an update! Pray for good results:) Britt still isn't able to have visitors back here, they recommend to us that only immediate family, at least for now...once he is able to have visitors i will let you all know! I know he would love to hear from you all, but he isn't quite able to yet!