Faith in his Timing

Lately, I feel like I've been questioning the timing of everything that has happened. Which I'm not proud of. There have been days when I just wonder why now. Why did this have to happen and take place, now. And not just with my brothers accident, but tons of little things that are personal to me in my life. I just have felt myself wanting to know why...now?

I dont think that it has been because I don't trust God's timing. Because I do. But it's still hard to accept, fully, that it was supposed to take place when it did. That everything takes place when it is supposed to. 

So, I've had some room to grow, reflect, learn, and gain testimony in that aspect. 

Trusting in God's timing.

Let's be real. There is and never will be, on our watch at least, a good time for a bad thing to happen. To anyone, anywhere, doing anything. Never. It will never be a good time. And I have realized that, and that God knows the best possible time, although that sounds crazy, for a bad thing to happen. Obviously, you could argue the whole "bad" part of it. Because really these challenges that we face throughout our lives aren't bad at all. They are required and necessary. We are sent here to earth, given bodies, and agency, to live our lives, choose how we do so, and take upon ourselves the challenges God sends our way. It's like a big giant test. Those "bad" things, trials, hardships, challenges, whatever you want to call them. They happen, to all of us, whether we like it or not, and they happen when they are supposed to. We face them, we endure them, we conquer them, and we continue to live our lives as closely to the saviors example as we can. We have a merciful, loving, caring, and compassionate Father, who wants nothing more than for us to succeed in this life, to live our lives according to the commandments and teachings/principals of the gospel, and return to him some day. He gives no burden that we cannot bare. He gives no challenge that we cannot overcome. He provides a way always, and he is the way. Part of that way, is trusting...in his timing. Trusting that his plan is better than mine. That his idea of the right time, is far better than mine. 

The last couple of days, when I have felt myself questioning that, and wondering how this could possibly be good timing, I just have to remember that he knows. And no one knows better, not even myself. I have found so much comfort in just trusting in that. Having faith in his will and his timing and trusting that whatever is supposed to be, will be. And as long as I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, being the best me I can be, everything will work out how it is supposed to. 

As long as I hold strong to the faith I have in my Father in Heaven and Savior Jesus Christ, as long as I continue to hope and believe in good things to come for my brother, as long as I continue to rely on the comfort of the spirit and the ever healing power of the atonement...my little brother, in his own time, and in God's time, will be okay. It will all be okay.

We had a family meeting today with the staff and the head doctor of the facility. And let me just say, we are so lucky to be in a place where there are so many loving, caring, and kind people who are so good at what they do, and who love my bother, always having his best interest. We talked about how he has been doing lately, checked out his charts and all of the test result. Everything is looking so great. Like incredibly good. There are no indications that the infection is still in his system, his antibiotics will end next week sometime! He is making phenomenal progress, and doing things that patients in a rancho scale 3 (that's how they rate level of consciousness, 4 is awake) don't do. Everyone is really pleased with how well he is doing and how well he is handling it. There will come a time, they think, and is very common with TBI patients, mostly when they reach a 4 and are awake, where they are very easily over stimulated to the smallest sounds, and sights. And get very agitated and frustrated easily. We haven't seen that with Britt yet. We have seen however, an emotional side of things. There are definitely times when he gets really emotional. He does the frown, and cries. And that is just because he is starting to realize his situation. He realizes he is immobile and he doesn't have control of his mind or body. I can only imagine what he is feeling, and it absolutely breaks my heart to know he has to deal with that type of pain. He is such a trooper though and puts on his best face. He works so hard in physical therapy and still manages to find the good in everything. Laughing and smiling at almost everything. It will be interesting to see that if Britt, with his sweet, soft spoken personality, if he will ever go through that tense, agitated, phase they talk about. 

As doctors and staff, and according to all of the evidence and research on TBI, studies show that Britt will probably never be the same Britt. That he will be different, maybe in more ways than one. They cant tell us if he will be able to walk again, talk again. If he will have the same personality, or tendencies that he did before the accident. It is most likely that he will not. And they were straight up with us and told us that, in his case, that is what they expect.

And obviously, we understand that. We understand the magnitude of what has happened to my brother and his injuries. We don't care. We are just thankful, oh so thankful, that he is even here. Physically, with us. We are thankful for every little tiny thing. And if he had to be in a wheelchair or helped with everything for the rest of his life, we would love him the same way we always have.

But I've said it before, and I'll say it again. My brother is different. And he has shown that thus far. He isn't typical, he isn't average, he isn't just another stat. I feel, so strongly, that my brother has been, and will continue to be the biggest miracle I or any of us have ever witnessed. I have big hopes and big dreams for that boy. And i would be doing him and injustice if I didn't expect him to overcome everything that is "probably" going to be. As his sister, and his friend, I have the responsibility to believe in his and his potential to the highest degree. Even if it's far fetched and unrealistic. Because the fact of the matter is, miracles aren't realistic but they happen. What is the point of being worried about hte future and what it might hold for him, being skeptical and deciding to accept that things may never be the same, that he may never be the same. I refuse. I refuse to believe that, if I did, I feel like I may as well give up on him completely. I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy, but that is how i prefer it. I prefer to look at it in the best possible light, I like to shoot for perfection and expect to make it there and then some. And if you fall short then you fall short, but at least you didn't sell yourself short in the beginning and never even give yourself or whatever it is your hoping for a chance. 

So here is to my little brother, who is going to be the same little brother, always...forever and ever, because he can and he will.