Reality Check

Today was a reality check.

Today was the scariest day of my families life.

Everything seemed to be going as it should, his numbers were staying stable and he was kind of just hangin out, doing his thing. They were putting his tubes down his throat as usual, and he started to cough. For a second, we didn't worry because he has done that before, it's a gag reflex. Heck, if i had a 7mm tube running down my throat i'd cough too. But he started to cough more profusely with more force. I knew something wasn't right. His face started to turn red, and i looked at my dad, worried. we realized his heart rate was dropping quickly, too low. I swear everything started beeping at once. All different kinds of beeps, coming from every machine and every monitor. Still clinging to his hand, the nurse asked me and my dad to leave.

I squeezed his hand tightly before i let go, "Don't go yet Britty." i said, as i rushed out of the room with my dad, both of us crying and so scared. so so scared. I can't describe to you the feeling. I am shaking as i sit her typing, trying to get it out.

Everything was getting so loud, the beeping, the rustling of people moving things in and out, the nurses and doctors running to his room. I feared that, that might have been the last time my sweet brother would be with us. A feeling that is indescribable, and it still hurts to think about.

My emotions were running high, as tears streamed from my eyes, i grabbed my dad, who was also beside himself. Face red, eyes watering, voice quivering. Seeing your tough dad like that, is very hard. I clung on to him, bringing him into me, holding each other tightly i said let's pray. Shaking, crying, fearful, i pleaded with my father in heaven to let him stay, even if it's just a little longer. I cried for the first half of the prayer, and suddenly got an overwhelming feeling of the spirit, telling me to calm down and breath. I paused, and my crying ceased. I finished the prayer and felt comfort. My dad ran to the waiting room to grab my mom. She walked in and saw us crying, expecting the worse. She clung to my dad as he held her.

The beeping of the machines seemed to be getting louder and louder. Every one seemed to stop what they were doing and run to his room. Pushing machines and carts into it. There was so much going on. and all i could hear was the loud alarms and beeping noises, not knowing what they meant. I ran to the waiting room door, opened it, and said to the visitors, "please start praying for my brother." and i heard later, that everyone in that room, whether they were here for us or not, dropped to their knees and started praying. so powerful. i came back in and slid down on the wall, to the floor, and buried my head into my hands and knees. I cried. unlike i had ever cried before. all i could think is, please don't let this be it. i could hear my sweet moms voice, panicking, crying, pleading that her son would be okay. Some of the nurses came to try and comfort me, and all i could say is "i am scared. i am so scared."

In that moment, I was so scared i was going to lose him.

I turned back around and knelt down on my knees again. beginning to pray allowed. The sound of the beeping machines too loud to concentrate. It sounded like a flatline.

The nurses came back around the corner, and told me it was okay. that he was okay. That things were settling down. I stood up and started sobbing. running over to my sweet mom and dad. we all held each other, and cried. Barely being able to breath. Our boy was still here.

We came back in and surrounded our sweet boy, holding steadily to his hands, feeling his sweet touch. Talking to him, letting him know we are so proud of him for getting though that for us.

This incident brought us back down to reality. My brother is suffering from very severe and dangerous brain injuries. He is in critical condition. And in the worst position possible. He is not, in any way shape or form..."okay".

Sometimes i think i forget this. I get carried away and blinded by all of the little successes and baby steps toward recovery, that i forget he is still fighting for his life. I have been very optimistic and positive through this entire thing, so have my parents and so has everyone else. And i will continue to be positive and optimistic. But i will also remember to be cautious and understanding of his condition. Not getting ahead of myself. It is so good to find joy in the little things. WE HAVE TO. that is all we have to hold onto. any little ray of hope. any word of good. But i also need to remember that every second i have with my sweet boy, every second my parents and i share with him, is a miracle and a blessing in itself.

We weren't expecting anything like this to happen today. to be honest, i have not even thought about setbacks, or failures, or bad news, or scares. He has just been doing so good and staying so stable, that it hasn't even crossed my mind. And i, as well as all of you reading and following and investing your hearts into my brother, need to be prepared. prepared for set back, failures, bad news, and scares.

It can go from good, to not so good in the blink of an eye, as we witnessed today. And me and my family are working on preparing ourselves as best as we can for good days and the bad. For the easy hours, and the hard hours. one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Granted his numbers all went back to normal shortly after the doctors got the situation under control, and he pulled himself back down to where he was at before it happened, but it just goes to show that everything can change in a split second whether we see it coming or not.

Continue to pray for our Britt. prayers are being heard, and they are most definitely being answered.

We love you. We appreciate your constant love and support and companionship. And your continuous belief in our boy!

As a family, we will be staying with him in his room for the most part of each day. You probably won't be seeing us much in the lobby or waiting room for awhile. We just need to spend a little more time with him, letting him rest, heal, and get better:)